Thursday, March 06, 2008

200 POSTS!!

I can’t believe this is my 200th post! Yay for me. Actually I just realized that as I opened blogger, so I don’t have any super-cool 200th post thing planned. If you’re reading, feel free to post a “you rock” comment. You know you want to.

So how am I going to use my epic 200th post, you ask? Why, to talk about what a lousy mom I’ve been lately, that’s how!

Ever have days/weeks/months when you feel like all you ever do is yell at your kids? Yeah, that’s how I feel lately. None of us seems to be able to do anything right. They don’t do what they’re told and I don’t handle it well and yell at them about it. I made a first step at making things better with Jaben by posting a chore chart for him. One of the reasons we’ve been having problems lately is because I feel like I don’t get enough help around the house. Seriously, how hard is it to put clothes in a drawer or laundry basket?

So every night when he gets home from school, he needs to check the chore chart and do what’s listed. And then do his homework. Very simple. He was told on the first day as well that the consequence for not doing it was to miss the Haven. Since this is the first week, I gave him 2 nights of skipping (after warning him that it’d better be done on night 2) and then told him no Haven tonight. Nobody is happy with me today, but I didn’t have a choice. I’m sure Jaben thought I’d give in and let him go, and I so wanted to let him go. But I couldn’t. If I give in already, the whole thing is wasted effort and he’ll see that I have no follow through on anything and he can do whatever he wants. That’s not the message I want to send to him. I want him to learn that there are consequences when he doesn’t do what he’s supposed to, and that there are rewards when he does. He hasn’t been the easiest, most well behaved child lately (where did the LYING come from, anyway?? Is this normal for this age or is it just my kid??) so we’ve got to start somewhere. And this is that start. I don’t like it, but it’s my job.

Now Kyan is a little trickier. With him it’s not leaving his things lying around. He is at the age where he likes to help me and wipe up his own messes, so that’s not the issue. With him it’s crying, hanging on me all the time, and being so clingy. I know that’s a good thing because it means he loves me, and I realize how lucky I am to have a happy, healthy little boy who is here and can hang on me and love me to distraction. But he needs to become more independent. He needs it and I need it. He will be starting preschool in September (please God let the ride work out!!) – did I mention we got the card in the mail saying he got in, and will be in the class I wanted him in?? So yes, that will help. For the time being tho, I am at a loss. I am hopeful that more one-on-one time will help, so I’m taking him to the mall on Sat for the “Easter treasure hunt welcome the bunny” thing they’ve got going on. Just US. He needs that and so do I. Kyan and mommy and it should be fun. Maybe he’ll even get some time in their play area. I think he’d like that.

And just so you don’t think I’m neglecting Jaben, he is getting some one-on-one time Saturday too. The Jamestown concert is that night and of course we have tickets!! But I’m thinking about taking him out to dinner, again, just us, so that we can talk and bond a little bit, and maybe find a way to see eye to eye on the things we’re having the most conflict over.

You know, most of the time this mom thing isn’t too rough of a road. There are hugs, kisses and giggles along the way, and I know how lucky and blessed I am. They’re healthy, mostly happy, and they’re here. But some weeks… it’s hard to not post them on eBay.

3 comments:

Tracey said...

I love dates with my boys. It won't be too long before it will be uncool, so I plan on taking advantage of it now.

Chore charts and consequences are hard lessons to learn. It certainly doesn't make you a BAD mom, though. Actually, the opposite... Just not too popular at the moment! :)

Stacy said...

You rock!!!!!!

palmtreefanatic said...

You Rock!
You are doing it and you are a great mom! Yes kids need boundaries and limits! They NEED to know whos boss!
I know what you mean sometimes it makes you feel horrible to stay with a punishment as you start feeling it was horrible to start with but you are doing the right thing! It IS VERY VERY hard when you feel you gotta do it all on your own! work, cleaning, raising kids, I know this all to well! I feel since I have taken on a 3rd day i get less support at home and now i have 4 kids to take care, between laundry, beds, cooking, cleaning, work, UGH!
I need to take the kids out on a one on one date too! I think that is a greeat idea, however you may want to rethink the whole thing of going to the mall today! looks pretty nasty out and I am dreading going to work in 30 min as i HOPE I will have someone s hair to do today, sigh....this weather is NOT good for my business!