I am consumed with the thoughts of smoking a cigarette. I am off patches, I am really just fiiiine on my own, with no assistance.
Except.
Except that I cannot get the thought of smoking a cigarette out of my mind.
I know it smells.
I know it would taste terrible.
I know it would, most likely, make me feel ill.
And yet.
And yet...
I wonder if just "one" would remove that thought from my head.
Yuck, that's awful. Ugh, my stomach is upset, I'm dizzy now. Don't want to do that again.
Yes, it might help. At least I'd know.
It's not going to happen. I am sitting here at work, unable to leave the phones. So I remain consumed by the thought.
Of just one... just one to get me thru.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Ew
I was working on a post today, but I'm still feeling pretty run down from this cold/flu thing, very tired, burnt out with work and just not much fun. So I think I'll just leave this post at a "hey, hi" and try again when I'm feeling more up to it.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Rocket cake!
Kyan's birthday party is tomorrow and so we decided to make him a rocket cake! Actually, the idea was given to me by the girls on my message board. It was a great idea... the results are... well, it still looks like rocket at least. Kyan said it's his best rocket cake ever! And he's had so many to compare it to! He's also run around singing, "My rocket cake is so crooked! My rocket cake is sooo crooked!"
But... mommy did the best she could, and really, it's not so bad, is it?
But... mommy did the best she could, and really, it's not so bad, is it?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Happy Birthday Kyan!
Today my baby is 3.
I know it doesn’t sound like much, especially when I think of his great, big 11 yr old brother. But it is. It’s a lot. Three is across the bridge from baby to big boy, three is the beginning of pre-school and peers, independence (not that he’s not trying that one already), “I do it,” and so many other things beyond my control.
He’s not a baby anymore. But he’s my baby. He’s my last baby, and he’ll always be my baby.
Kyan is a unique kid... He’s stubborn and headstrong, smart and oh so funny, shy and bold all at once, loving and infuriating… such a mixture of being in one little body. He’s so bright it’s scary… sometimes he’ll say things that you can’t believe just came out of that little mouth, while other times he still seems so very, very little yet. He loves the outside, his cars and trains and Spongebob, thinks his big brother hung the moon and that the Little Einsteins are his friends. I love when he talks to them on the screen. It just makes me smile.
Last night we were cuddling on the couch when he asked me to sing the “open sleigh hey” song. I had to have him say it again to figure out that he wanted to sing “Jingle Bells.” He spent the entire Christmas season singing “Jingle Bells…” He just loves that song, and he’ll still sing it (usually when he thinks nobody is listening) while he’s playing with his toys.
He’s so cute and soft, he smells more like little boy than baby these days, but there’s a spot on the back of his neck where I bury my nose and inhale Kyan. It’s that smell that will always be my baby boy.
My Kyan turned 3 yrs old at 2:05am today, curled up in mommy’s bed, with my arms wrapped around him, dreaming his sweet, hopefully fun, 3 yr old dreams. Just where he should be.
Happy Birthday Baby – I love you!
I know it doesn’t sound like much, especially when I think of his great, big 11 yr old brother. But it is. It’s a lot. Three is across the bridge from baby to big boy, three is the beginning of pre-school and peers, independence (not that he’s not trying that one already), “I do it,” and so many other things beyond my control.
He’s not a baby anymore. But he’s my baby. He’s my last baby, and he’ll always be my baby.
Kyan is a unique kid... He’s stubborn and headstrong, smart and oh so funny, shy and bold all at once, loving and infuriating… such a mixture of being in one little body. He’s so bright it’s scary… sometimes he’ll say things that you can’t believe just came out of that little mouth, while other times he still seems so very, very little yet. He loves the outside, his cars and trains and Spongebob, thinks his big brother hung the moon and that the Little Einsteins are his friends. I love when he talks to them on the screen. It just makes me smile.
Last night we were cuddling on the couch when he asked me to sing the “open sleigh hey” song. I had to have him say it again to figure out that he wanted to sing “Jingle Bells.” He spent the entire Christmas season singing “Jingle Bells…” He just loves that song, and he’ll still sing it (usually when he thinks nobody is listening) while he’s playing with his toys.
He’s so cute and soft, he smells more like little boy than baby these days, but there’s a spot on the back of his neck where I bury my nose and inhale Kyan. It’s that smell that will always be my baby boy.
My Kyan turned 3 yrs old at 2:05am today, curled up in mommy’s bed, with my arms wrapped around him, dreaming his sweet, hopefully fun, 3 yr old dreams. Just where he should be.
Happy Birthday Baby – I love you!
Monday, January 21, 2008
I knew it!!
| You are a Hippie |
 You are a total hippie. While you may not wear birks or smell of incense, you have the soul of a hippie. You don't trust authority, and you do as you please. You're willing to take a stand, even when what you believe isn't popular. You like to experiment with ideas, lifestyles, and different subcultures. You always gravitate toward what's radical and subversive. Normal, mainstream culture doesn't really resonate with you. |
I kept playing and lookie what else... I swear this isn't a set up!
| Your Inner Retro Girl Is |
 |
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Hello
I'm hanging in there! I did end up having to put on a nicotine patch, but that's okay. One step at a time. I was hopeful to do without, but there are worse things. Like, oh, I don't know... smoking?
For someone who said she didn't want to talk about it, I certainly took my time mentioning it, didn't I? I'm just a little obsessed at the moment. Which, if you ask me, is a good thing.
Moving on... this weekend Jaben is supposed to have his Camp Alaska survival training campout with Boy Scouts. It's a 24 hr camp out and takes place Sat-Sun. That night it is supposed to be 8 degrees and snow. I'm still debating on whether to let him go for sure or not, and the leaders said they'd call Friday night if they decide to skip it... so we'll wait, I guess. I just don't like the idea of him trying to sleep outside in 8 degree weather in a tent the boys make themselves out of tarps. Making all their own food... building their own fires. I know I'm a little overprotective, but 8 degrees just seems kind of dangerous to me. They told me they've done this before - in colder weather - but I'm still hesitant. We'll see. I mean, at least they're not calling for SQUALLS anymore.
For someone who said she didn't want to talk about it, I certainly took my time mentioning it, didn't I? I'm just a little obsessed at the moment. Which, if you ask me, is a good thing.
Moving on... this weekend Jaben is supposed to have his Camp Alaska survival training campout with Boy Scouts. It's a 24 hr camp out and takes place Sat-Sun. That night it is supposed to be 8 degrees and snow. I'm still debating on whether to let him go for sure or not, and the leaders said they'd call Friday night if they decide to skip it... so we'll wait, I guess. I just don't like the idea of him trying to sleep outside in 8 degree weather in a tent the boys make themselves out of tarps. Making all their own food... building their own fires. I know I'm a little overprotective, but 8 degrees just seems kind of dangerous to me. They told me they've done this before - in colder weather - but I'm still hesitant. We'll see. I mean, at least they're not calling for SQUALLS anymore.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
2008 will have to work hard to redeem itself
This year was supposed to be better than last year, but really what difference does a date on a calendar make? Not that much, apparently.
Kyan has already been sick. All of last week he ran a temperature ranging from about 101 to 102.5 at it’s highest. The doctor suspected an ear infection, so he had to be on antibiotics and stayed home Monday thru Friday. During the warmest, most beautiful January weather we could hope for.
More issues with child support and subsequently, daycare. Since my daycare is subsidized, we were due for our 6 month review. The caseworker, who hasn’t shown herself to be all that great so far, decided that since we received the annual “I-wanna-keep-my-license” payments, that should be added to actual income and decided to raise my daycare payments. This is not income. The payments are $2800 in arrearages (I know that’s not much but the other owes over $35000) and he’s only paid enough to retain his license. I called, complained, explained, and got it reduced. It’s not as if I enjoy having to use this method to pay for daycare, but it’s my only choice. I would prefer that it not be any harder than it has to be.
My bank hates me. I had an issue this weekend with a deposit not being made active on my bank account in a timely manner, thus resulting in over $100 in overdraft fees. I contacted the bank and went over the whole thing via email. Minor victory – they returned $33 of the charges. Not perfect, but better than I expected. It’s like they agree it wasn’t my fault, but since I have no real recourse they’re only going to do so much. I have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.
The buyer backed out. We had someone all lined up to buy our old house, it had passed inspection and the loan had already gone thru, but they’ve changed their minds. I’m still not sure why. On the positive, we have another buyer interested, but he’s not offering enough. The realtor is going to try to talk him up a bit, but with the market being what it is, we’re going to take what we can get. We’re lucky to have a buyer at all. We need to unload that house… the carrying costs are getting to be too much. So, we’ll end up with a small mortgage on the house we’re in now, and will have to save up the money and nickel and dime the repairs the outside still needs. This is not the position we were hoping to be in, but it is what it is. It’s a nicer house in a much better neighborhood, the neighbors are great, it’s much safer for the kids and they are happier. I just have to remember that the pluses outweigh the minuses by enough that this is a good thing, no matter what.
I do have one good thing… Today is my last day as a smoker. I have been reading a book called The easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr and I honestly believe it’s given me the tools to become a non-smoker. Starting tomorrow. There should be no nicotine replacements (however I do reserve the right to use patches if I decide I want them), and it should be a happy, joyful process. What a wonderful thing to overcome drug addiction and move on with life free of something that’s just become a royal pain. I just don’t want it – it’s too much to think about, too much to deal with, it’s affecting my life, the lives of my children, and every aspect of my life. How wonderful it will be to think about going places, making plans, and living life without worrying about when or if I will be able to smoke!! I would ask that there be no discussion on smoking in general, ways to quit, or stories. This is a very personal thing for me and I need for it to be my way and in my time. Feel free to offer congratulations, but beyond that I ask that you refrain from discussion. Thank you!
So yeah, 2008 has a ways to go, but I have decided that we need things to look forward to, so besides the above I have a few ideas. I’m going to take those boys to Kalahari this year come hell or high water!! I had told Jaben that I didn’t think we could this year (we’ve gone in March the past 2 years), but the more I thought about it the more I think we need it, and we deserve it. I need another adult to take because the boys will want to do different things and I don’t want to be confined to the baby pool the whole time. But we’re doing it. Dammit, we are. I’m also going to take out some tax refund money to set aside for a great Cedar Point day this summer, a trip to the fair, and another weekend getaway to the Toledo Zoo and hotel overnight. These are things we need, and we need to have them to look forward to. There is also Valley Beach in the summer – and oh how my boys love that! There are a lot of obstacles this year and work to be done, but I’m trying hard to be optimistic.
It can only be what we make it, so while 2008 definitely has a ways to go to become a good year, I’m going to try my best to help it along.
Kyan has already been sick. All of last week he ran a temperature ranging from about 101 to 102.5 at it’s highest. The doctor suspected an ear infection, so he had to be on antibiotics and stayed home Monday thru Friday. During the warmest, most beautiful January weather we could hope for.
More issues with child support and subsequently, daycare. Since my daycare is subsidized, we were due for our 6 month review. The caseworker, who hasn’t shown herself to be all that great so far, decided that since we received the annual “I-wanna-keep-my-license” payments, that should be added to actual income and decided to raise my daycare payments. This is not income. The payments are $2800 in arrearages (I know that’s not much but the other owes over $35000) and he’s only paid enough to retain his license. I called, complained, explained, and got it reduced. It’s not as if I enjoy having to use this method to pay for daycare, but it’s my only choice. I would prefer that it not be any harder than it has to be.
My bank hates me. I had an issue this weekend with a deposit not being made active on my bank account in a timely manner, thus resulting in over $100 in overdraft fees. I contacted the bank and went over the whole thing via email. Minor victory – they returned $33 of the charges. Not perfect, but better than I expected. It’s like they agree it wasn’t my fault, but since I have no real recourse they’re only going to do so much. I have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.
The buyer backed out. We had someone all lined up to buy our old house, it had passed inspection and the loan had already gone thru, but they’ve changed their minds. I’m still not sure why. On the positive, we have another buyer interested, but he’s not offering enough. The realtor is going to try to talk him up a bit, but with the market being what it is, we’re going to take what we can get. We’re lucky to have a buyer at all. We need to unload that house… the carrying costs are getting to be too much. So, we’ll end up with a small mortgage on the house we’re in now, and will have to save up the money and nickel and dime the repairs the outside still needs. This is not the position we were hoping to be in, but it is what it is. It’s a nicer house in a much better neighborhood, the neighbors are great, it’s much safer for the kids and they are happier. I just have to remember that the pluses outweigh the minuses by enough that this is a good thing, no matter what.
I do have one good thing… Today is my last day as a smoker. I have been reading a book called The easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr and I honestly believe it’s given me the tools to become a non-smoker. Starting tomorrow. There should be no nicotine replacements (however I do reserve the right to use patches if I decide I want them), and it should be a happy, joyful process. What a wonderful thing to overcome drug addiction and move on with life free of something that’s just become a royal pain. I just don’t want it – it’s too much to think about, too much to deal with, it’s affecting my life, the lives of my children, and every aspect of my life. How wonderful it will be to think about going places, making plans, and living life without worrying about when or if I will be able to smoke!! I would ask that there be no discussion on smoking in general, ways to quit, or stories. This is a very personal thing for me and I need for it to be my way and in my time. Feel free to offer congratulations, but beyond that I ask that you refrain from discussion. Thank you!
So yeah, 2008 has a ways to go, but I have decided that we need things to look forward to, so besides the above I have a few ideas. I’m going to take those boys to Kalahari this year come hell or high water!! I had told Jaben that I didn’t think we could this year (we’ve gone in March the past 2 years), but the more I thought about it the more I think we need it, and we deserve it. I need another adult to take because the boys will want to do different things and I don’t want to be confined to the baby pool the whole time. But we’re doing it. Dammit, we are. I’m also going to take out some tax refund money to set aside for a great Cedar Point day this summer, a trip to the fair, and another weekend getaway to the Toledo Zoo and hotel overnight. These are things we need, and we need to have them to look forward to. There is also Valley Beach in the summer – and oh how my boys love that! There are a lot of obstacles this year and work to be done, but I’m trying hard to be optimistic.
It can only be what we make it, so while 2008 definitely has a ways to go to become a good year, I’m going to try my best to help it along.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Snoooooooooooooow
We've just gotten all kinds of snow today! I'm not overly thrilled about driving in it, but I'm excited because it's supposed to snow for the next few days and maybe, just maybe, I will *finally* get to take Kyan sledding! That poor kid has been so cooped up lately. Last week (when the weather was beautiful, of course) he was sick with a temperature and croupy cough all week, so he didn't get to take advantage of the springlike days. All he could talk about once he saw that snow this morning was making a snowman... so I hope he gets the chance.
Jaben got into some trouble this weekend, so he has to come straight home from school all week. I gave him a choice for tonight... he can either unload and put away the clean dishes I ran this morning, or take his little brother outside and help him make a snowman. I know what *I* would choose, but you know what that little... adolescent... said?
"What's in it for me?"
I KNOW!! Little brat. Who raised this kid anyway??
I'll be calling him at about the time he gets home from school to hear his decision. And if he gives me any more attitude, he can do both. Heh. Cuz I'm such a mean mom. Actually Jaben does tell me that I'm the strictest mom he knows. Obviously he doesn't know that many moms because, honestly? I'm a bit of a pushover. What's in it for me... bah.
This is why some animals eat their young.
Maybe this weekend I'll be able to finally get some pics of Kyan sledding to post up here. I never did post the photos from Jaben's play last month. Maybe we'll just do sledding pics in July. Or, knowing me? More like August.
Jaben got into some trouble this weekend, so he has to come straight home from school all week. I gave him a choice for tonight... he can either unload and put away the clean dishes I ran this morning, or take his little brother outside and help him make a snowman. I know what *I* would choose, but you know what that little... adolescent... said?
"What's in it for me?"
I KNOW!! Little brat. Who raised this kid anyway??
I'll be calling him at about the time he gets home from school to hear his decision. And if he gives me any more attitude, he can do both. Heh. Cuz I'm such a mean mom. Actually Jaben does tell me that I'm the strictest mom he knows. Obviously he doesn't know that many moms because, honestly? I'm a bit of a pushover. What's in it for me... bah.
This is why some animals eat their young.
Maybe this weekend I'll be able to finally get some pics of Kyan sledding to post up here. I never did post the photos from Jaben's play last month. Maybe we'll just do sledding pics in July. Or, knowing me? More like August.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What kind of drink am I?
Copied from Tina... I think this does kind of sound like me.
What Kind of Drink Are You? | |
 | You are a Whiskey on the Rocks. You are tough and you know it. It takes a long time for people to get to know you but you wouldn't have it any other way. You don't care what people think, but sometimes that turns people off of you. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I've been tagged
I’ve been tagged by the lovely Laurato do a meme. As she explained it in her blog: The rules are for me to link to the person who tagged me, list 7 weird (I prefer to think charmingly quirky) things about myself and then tag 7 others to play along. And also, most importantly, let them know they have been tagged.
I’ve been trying really hard to think of 7 sufficiently weird things about myself ever since I read Laura’s, and I think I’m getting there. Without further adieu… 7 things that make me weird… er quirky!
1. I can’t stand to wear shoes. I manage fine in the summer, when I can get by in flip flops and sandals, but winter drives me crazy with the heavy socks and shoes that can’t just be slipped off. If I didn’t live in Ohio, I would wear sandals or flip flops year long. And shoes in the house? Fageddaboutit! And I never wear any shoes that can’t just be slipped off.
2. I don’t want to get married. Actually, I never have wanted to get married. I wasn’t one of those little girls who played “Bridal Barbie,” picked out wedding dresses to dream about, or bride’s maid dresses to torment friends with… I just wasn’t into it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I found out people really did those things… I honestly thought it was just on tv. I think I knew this time around I needed to do it solo and this works for me.
3. I believe in reincarnation. Not in the bizarre “If you’re not good you’ll come back as a worm” kind of way. More like in a second-chances kind of way. It says sin the Bible that we’re God’s children, and what parent only gives His child one chance to get things right? I just don’t see it that way. This is not up for debate or further discussion, this is just what I believe.
4. I am so very afraid of heights that I can’t climb a ladder. It’s really bad, like a phobia. Can’t. Do. Heights.
5. I don’t paint my fingernails very often because I can actually feel the weight of the polish on my nails. It really feels strange to me… I can’t even imagine what those fake acrylic things would feel like.
6. I’m getting better about this, but I don’t really know my left from my right. I still have to think about it most of the time. Once, I even drove a good half hour out of my way because I went right when all the time I was thinking I went left. That CAN’T be normal.
7. I don’t know how weird this is, but coming up with 7 things is harder than I thought it’d be, so I’m going to use it. I like to watch “guy tv.” I love Mythbusters, I watched (and DVR’d) every episode of Ice Road Truckers, I love Dirty Jobs! I also like geek-boy cartoons… the Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy are my favorites! I’ve never seen (nor wanted to see) an episode of Desperate Housewives or Grays Anatomy, never watched America’s Next Top Model. Just not my thing.
So there you have it. Seven different things to prove how weird… er, quirky… I am. And now to tag…. Do 7 people even read this blog? Oh well, I’ll just tag people I read and love, and whose blogs I have commented on and hope for the best.
Tina, Dani, Anne, Tracey, Jodi, and um… 2 other people who happen to read this… TAG! You’re it!
I’ve been trying really hard to think of 7 sufficiently weird things about myself ever since I read Laura’s, and I think I’m getting there. Without further adieu… 7 things that make me weird… er quirky!
1. I can’t stand to wear shoes. I manage fine in the summer, when I can get by in flip flops and sandals, but winter drives me crazy with the heavy socks and shoes that can’t just be slipped off. If I didn’t live in Ohio, I would wear sandals or flip flops year long. And shoes in the house? Fageddaboutit! And I never wear any shoes that can’t just be slipped off.
2. I don’t want to get married. Actually, I never have wanted to get married. I wasn’t one of those little girls who played “Bridal Barbie,” picked out wedding dresses to dream about, or bride’s maid dresses to torment friends with… I just wasn’t into it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I found out people really did those things… I honestly thought it was just on tv. I think I knew this time around I needed to do it solo and this works for me.
3. I believe in reincarnation. Not in the bizarre “If you’re not good you’ll come back as a worm” kind of way. More like in a second-chances kind of way. It says sin the Bible that we’re God’s children, and what parent only gives His child one chance to get things right? I just don’t see it that way. This is not up for debate or further discussion, this is just what I believe.
4. I am so very afraid of heights that I can’t climb a ladder. It’s really bad, like a phobia. Can’t. Do. Heights.
5. I don’t paint my fingernails very often because I can actually feel the weight of the polish on my nails. It really feels strange to me… I can’t even imagine what those fake acrylic things would feel like.
6. I’m getting better about this, but I don’t really know my left from my right. I still have to think about it most of the time. Once, I even drove a good half hour out of my way because I went right when all the time I was thinking I went left. That CAN’T be normal.
7. I don’t know how weird this is, but coming up with 7 things is harder than I thought it’d be, so I’m going to use it. I like to watch “guy tv.” I love Mythbusters, I watched (and DVR’d) every episode of Ice Road Truckers, I love Dirty Jobs! I also like geek-boy cartoons… the Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy are my favorites! I’ve never seen (nor wanted to see) an episode of Desperate Housewives or Grays Anatomy, never watched America’s Next Top Model. Just not my thing.
So there you have it. Seven different things to prove how weird… er, quirky… I am. And now to tag…. Do 7 people even read this blog? Oh well, I’ll just tag people I read and love, and whose blogs I have commented on and hope for the best.
Tina, Dani, Anne, Tracey, Jodi, and um… 2 other people who happen to read this… TAG! You’re it!
Friday, January 04, 2008
Now I just feel sorry for her
Everyone has heard/read about what happened to Britney Spears last night, right? She had a breakdown, locked herself in a room with her son Jaydn and wouldn't let him leave with his father. She ended up being taken to a hospital by ambulance and is now on lockdown or something being watched.
Yes, she's a mess, yes, she's probably on drugs (although I think I read that the tox screen came back clean), and yes she makes bad choices. But how many of us haven't made bad choices? How many of us have had days, weeks, hours - and in some cases even years where we're walking messes? Most of us. If you haven't, you're lucky. We all make bad choices, we all go thru periods where we could very easily end up where Britney is. We're fortunate if we don't and can get thru our bad periods okay. And we don't have to do it in the public eye.
I realize she chose her path and as a consequence is living her life in the spotlight, but she made that choice when she was very, very young. And did she really make that choice, or did her psycho of a mother make that choice for her? Nobody can ever know the answer to that, except maybe for Lynne Spears - and we know she won't say. I know there are things I wanted when I was that young that I would never want or choose now, and I'm sure most people feel the same way. It's possible that fame isn't something Britney would choose, given the chance to do it all again. Who knows?
Regardless, right now that girl is going thru some rough stuff. She gave birth to two children in two years, a divorce, possible addiction, losing her kids, who knows what else - and is going thru all of it with the whole world watching. Those things would be enough to make anyone lose it, and, being human, she's losing it.
She's fortunate in that she can afford to get help, and hopefully someone with a brain will help her to understand that she can choose to make things better. And maybe she will. Maybe she'll get lucky and someone who doesn't want anything from her (yeah right) will come along and help her -- really help her. So that she can move on and have a more normal life, and so that those cute little boys can have a real mom.
Anything can happen, right? I just feel sorry for her. I can't imagine.
Yes, she's a mess, yes, she's probably on drugs (although I think I read that the tox screen came back clean), and yes she makes bad choices. But how many of us haven't made bad choices? How many of us have had days, weeks, hours - and in some cases even years where we're walking messes? Most of us. If you haven't, you're lucky. We all make bad choices, we all go thru periods where we could very easily end up where Britney is. We're fortunate if we don't and can get thru our bad periods okay. And we don't have to do it in the public eye.
I realize she chose her path and as a consequence is living her life in the spotlight, but she made that choice when she was very, very young. And did she really make that choice, or did her psycho of a mother make that choice for her? Nobody can ever know the answer to that, except maybe for Lynne Spears - and we know she won't say. I know there are things I wanted when I was that young that I would never want or choose now, and I'm sure most people feel the same way. It's possible that fame isn't something Britney would choose, given the chance to do it all again. Who knows?
Regardless, right now that girl is going thru some rough stuff. She gave birth to two children in two years, a divorce, possible addiction, losing her kids, who knows what else - and is going thru all of it with the whole world watching. Those things would be enough to make anyone lose it, and, being human, she's losing it.
She's fortunate in that she can afford to get help, and hopefully someone with a brain will help her to understand that she can choose to make things better. And maybe she will. Maybe she'll get lucky and someone who doesn't want anything from her (yeah right) will come along and help her -- really help her. So that she can move on and have a more normal life, and so that those cute little boys can have a real mom.
Anything can happen, right? I just feel sorry for her. I can't imagine.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Year in review
Waiting till (almost) the last possible second, but still, here it is - my bloggy year in review.
Reminder: It's the first sentence from the first post of each month of the year.
And here we go....
January - I'm hoping to update my ridiculously out-dated blogroll real soon, so if you read regularly and have a blog, and would like your blog to be included, please comment and let me know and I'll put you on!
February - Anyone have any prayers, good karma, or healing vibes to spare?
March - I’m about to prove what a big dork I am.
April - We really need to get this potty training thing going full force.
May - To blog or not to blog. That is the question.
June - Since I believe you can never have too many people praying and sending you good thoughts, I'm going to ask that you keep a friend of mine in mind.
July - Jaben's website... While still somewhat under construction, it's still a pretty good start for an 11 yr old with limited computer knowledge.
August - Just really, really, relentlessly busy!!
September - To celebrate the long weekend, we went to the zoo!
October - Yay for Dani!
November - All the cool kids are doing it, so why not some of us not-so-cool kids?
December - Yeah, it's that kind of day.
Actually, I think it's been that kind of year. Here's to 2008 being a better year for all of us!
Reminder: It's the first sentence from the first post of each month of the year.
And here we go....
January - I'm hoping to update my ridiculously out-dated blogroll real soon, so if you read regularly and have a blog, and would like your blog to be included, please comment and let me know and I'll put you on!
February - Anyone have any prayers, good karma, or healing vibes to spare?
March - I’m about to prove what a big dork I am.
April - We really need to get this potty training thing going full force.
May - To blog or not to blog. That is the question.
June - Since I believe you can never have too many people praying and sending you good thoughts, I'm going to ask that you keep a friend of mine in mind.
July - Jaben's website... While still somewhat under construction, it's still a pretty good start for an 11 yr old with limited computer knowledge.
August - Just really, really, relentlessly busy!!
September - To celebrate the long weekend, we went to the zoo!
October - Yay for Dani!
November - All the cool kids are doing it, so why not some of us not-so-cool kids?
December - Yeah, it's that kind of day.
Actually, I think it's been that kind of year. Here's to 2008 being a better year for all of us!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Christmas is over!
Yay, Christmas is over for another year!
Yes, I am glad about that. No, I don't have pictures or gift lists to share. Sorry, I suck at all of that. Suffice to say, the kids got spoiled and are very happy with their Christmas loot. The house is a disorganized, filthy mess because I've worked the last 2 days and just haven't had time. I am, however, on day 1 of another 5 day vacation and things should be looking up by then.
Tomorrow we are going over to the old house to get out the rest of the junk we've got there. If we needed it, we'd have gotten it already - so should we go straight to the dump? Probably. Will we? Probably not. But hopefully it'll be done and we'll be all set when the sale (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease) goes final.
My car still isn't done yet. They're waiting on the new steering column, then it'll have to be put in. No idea when that will happen. I'm starting to miss my poor car. It's been 2 weeks now since it was stolen and I'm ready to put it all behind me. I don't think my insurance company will replace my mp3 player and that sucks big time because I really miss having it. The radio isn't so great when it's your only option. Maybe I'll get lucky, but without serial number and reciept (it was a gift!!), the chances of a replacement are slim to none.
Just waiting on New Years now. I fully expect 2008 to be better than 2007. This year wasn't the best. In fact, it was pretty rotten towards the end there. I'm just ready now for it to be over. Year in Review post to follow soon, but until then, enjoy the final days of 2007!
Yes, I am glad about that. No, I don't have pictures or gift lists to share. Sorry, I suck at all of that. Suffice to say, the kids got spoiled and are very happy with their Christmas loot. The house is a disorganized, filthy mess because I've worked the last 2 days and just haven't had time. I am, however, on day 1 of another 5 day vacation and things should be looking up by then.
Tomorrow we are going over to the old house to get out the rest of the junk we've got there. If we needed it, we'd have gotten it already - so should we go straight to the dump? Probably. Will we? Probably not. But hopefully it'll be done and we'll be all set when the sale (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease) goes final.
My car still isn't done yet. They're waiting on the new steering column, then it'll have to be put in. No idea when that will happen. I'm starting to miss my poor car. It's been 2 weeks now since it was stolen and I'm ready to put it all behind me. I don't think my insurance company will replace my mp3 player and that sucks big time because I really miss having it. The radio isn't so great when it's your only option. Maybe I'll get lucky, but without serial number and reciept (it was a gift!!), the chances of a replacement are slim to none.
Just waiting on New Years now. I fully expect 2008 to be better than 2007. This year wasn't the best. In fact, it was pretty rotten towards the end there. I'm just ready now for it to be over. Year in Review post to follow soon, but until then, enjoy the final days of 2007!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas!
I'm sure I won't get a chance to post tomorrow, so I wanted to wish anyone who drops by a very Merry Christmas!
Peace, love, and joy to you all! May God's blessings be abundent in your home this season and in the coming year!
Peace, love, and joy to you all! May God's blessings be abundent in your home this season and in the coming year!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Finally some good news!
Our house has basically sold!!!!!!!!
One week on the market - can you believe it??
The offer came to us yesterday and it was a liiiittle low. We couldn't accept it because we would've lost too much on the deal, so we countered at just a tiny bit higher. We heard from the realtor this morning that he ACCEPTED THE COUNTER!!!
Now, we still have to go thru the inspection and all that, but I'm sure it's structurally sound, and the buyer knows it's a big time fixer-upper - but he's buying it specifically to fix up. SO... as long as we do okay on the inspection, our house is SOLD!!
We're not making jack on the deal, but we figured out that carrying costs are $740/mo, so we kind of are making a bit, if you think about it that way. Breaking even on the sale is absolutely fine with me. With the market being what it is, can't ask for more than that. OMG - one week on the market!!!! And actually, this was the second offer, but the first was so low as to be laughable and the realtor turned it down without even checking. It was pathetic.
But WHO CARES because our house is (all but) sold!!!!!!
******************************
ETA: I got a call from the place that is fixing my car yesterday. My poor, beat up Jeep will not be ready until next Thursday. They were going to try to have it back to me yesterday but when they got into the steering column to do the repairs, they found there was significantly more damage than first thought. So they have to replace the entire steering column. That means ordering and waitng for more parts (at Christmas, no less!), and waiting for it to be fixed. They're closed Monday and Tuesday, of course, so Thursday it is. We hope.
One week on the market - can you believe it??
The offer came to us yesterday and it was a liiiittle low. We couldn't accept it because we would've lost too much on the deal, so we countered at just a tiny bit higher. We heard from the realtor this morning that he ACCEPTED THE COUNTER!!!
Now, we still have to go thru the inspection and all that, but I'm sure it's structurally sound, and the buyer knows it's a big time fixer-upper - but he's buying it specifically to fix up. SO... as long as we do okay on the inspection, our house is SOLD!!
We're not making jack on the deal, but we figured out that carrying costs are $740/mo, so we kind of are making a bit, if you think about it that way. Breaking even on the sale is absolutely fine with me. With the market being what it is, can't ask for more than that. OMG - one week on the market!!!! And actually, this was the second offer, but the first was so low as to be laughable and the realtor turned it down without even checking. It was pathetic.
But WHO CARES because our house is (all but) sold!!!!!!
******************************
ETA: I got a call from the place that is fixing my car yesterday. My poor, beat up Jeep will not be ready until next Thursday. They were going to try to have it back to me yesterday but when they got into the steering column to do the repairs, they found there was significantly more damage than first thought. So they have to replace the entire steering column. That means ordering and waitng for more parts (at Christmas, no less!), and waiting for it to be fixed. They're closed Monday and Tuesday, of course, so Thursday it is. We hope.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Best search ever!
Checking out what searches lead people to this blog, I found…
Muslim woman boobs out
‘Nuff said.
****************************************
I need to be quick here, but please look up Mrs. Grumpy on the bloglist to your right, and stop by and give her love. Her daughter is very ill and in the hospital. This family has been thru enough, so please send healing vibes!!
Muslim woman boobs out
‘Nuff said.
****************************************
I need to be quick here, but please look up Mrs. Grumpy on the bloglist to your right, and stop by and give her love. Her daughter is very ill and in the hospital. This family has been thru enough, so please send healing vibes!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Rental cars and car seats
I have a car to drive now. The dealer who’s fixing my car talked to my insurance company and found that I am covered for a rental, under the circumstances. So yesterday I dropped by and picked up a really cute Chevy Cobalt. LOVED that car. Didn’t get to keep it tho.
The windshield washer fluid didn’t work, and with the snow, etc, and my commute, I couldn’t have that. I had a guy here at work look at it for me and he couldn’t get it to work either, so I called the dealer/rental place and they agreed to swap it out for me. So after work last night I picked up an absolutely beautiful Chevy Malibu. VERY nice car. A little too much car for me – the Cobalt was more me, but this’ll be juuuuust fine for a week or so until I get my Jeep back. It is an awesome car. Jaben loves it and would prefer to keep it… ahahahahaha!! Like that’d happen, even if I didn’t owe so much on the Jeep. Malibu’s are super nice cars and waaaay outside my price range.
And that’s another thing. I still owe quite a bit on that Jeep, and I’m certain that being broken into, stolen, and molested like it was, it’s not worth as much now. I’m afraid that, after all the progress I’ve made paying this loan down, I’m back upside down again and that pisses me off to no end. I wish I could come up with the money to just pay it off and not have to worry about it. Soooo not gonna happen, but it’d be nice.
I have moments when I do feel sorry for myself. It’s frustrating, I do everything right, as well as I can, and still can’t get ahead. And I know this theme is universal, it’s not just me, but I have needed a few moments here and there to wallow. As a whole, I know I’m handling this a lot better than anyone expected of me (being the emotionally stable person I am, ha-ha), and that’s good to hear, but I wish I didn’t have to deal with it at all. It sucks. It just sucks. Apparently locking your car, parking close to the store near lights doesn’t help after all. I wish I could afford an alarm system, but then again, what are the chances it’ll get stolen again? Especially in this area, it’s slim to none. Which is good, but that doesn’t help with the paranoia. I’ve got this super nice, rented car, that’s way outside what I could afford to pay for, sitting in the parking lot, and I’m worried about it now. That’s just not right.
On the up side, I got a great deal on a new car seat for Kyan. It was on sale for $34 (yay!) and it will convert to a booster when he’s ready. I discovered he was nearing the height/weight limits on his old seat anyway, so it would have had to be replaced with in the year, so it’s okay. And he really likes his new seat. He got very excited when I carried it in the house last night – he wanted me to open it right away. I made him wait until we had dinner, then we installed it and all went for a ride in the super-nice Malibu with a new car seat for Kyan. I offered the old car seat to Ky’s DCP, and she said she could definitely use it – but she had to promise she won’t put Kyan in it. Fortunately she’s a mom and she gets why I feel that way.
So, we’re getting there. It’s still just weird and rough. I think I’ll be happy when I have my own car back and can put all this behind me. It’s just kind of hard not to think about it when I’m driving a car that is so obviously not mine.
The windshield washer fluid didn’t work, and with the snow, etc, and my commute, I couldn’t have that. I had a guy here at work look at it for me and he couldn’t get it to work either, so I called the dealer/rental place and they agreed to swap it out for me. So after work last night I picked up an absolutely beautiful Chevy Malibu. VERY nice car. A little too much car for me – the Cobalt was more me, but this’ll be juuuuust fine for a week or so until I get my Jeep back. It is an awesome car. Jaben loves it and would prefer to keep it… ahahahahaha!! Like that’d happen, even if I didn’t owe so much on the Jeep. Malibu’s are super nice cars and waaaay outside my price range.
And that’s another thing. I still owe quite a bit on that Jeep, and I’m certain that being broken into, stolen, and molested like it was, it’s not worth as much now. I’m afraid that, after all the progress I’ve made paying this loan down, I’m back upside down again and that pisses me off to no end. I wish I could come up with the money to just pay it off and not have to worry about it. Soooo not gonna happen, but it’d be nice.
I have moments when I do feel sorry for myself. It’s frustrating, I do everything right, as well as I can, and still can’t get ahead. And I know this theme is universal, it’s not just me, but I have needed a few moments here and there to wallow. As a whole, I know I’m handling this a lot better than anyone expected of me (being the emotionally stable person I am, ha-ha), and that’s good to hear, but I wish I didn’t have to deal with it at all. It sucks. It just sucks. Apparently locking your car, parking close to the store near lights doesn’t help after all. I wish I could afford an alarm system, but then again, what are the chances it’ll get stolen again? Especially in this area, it’s slim to none. Which is good, but that doesn’t help with the paranoia. I’ve got this super nice, rented car, that’s way outside what I could afford to pay for, sitting in the parking lot, and I’m worried about it now. That’s just not right.
On the up side, I got a great deal on a new car seat for Kyan. It was on sale for $34 (yay!) and it will convert to a booster when he’s ready. I discovered he was nearing the height/weight limits on his old seat anyway, so it would have had to be replaced with in the year, so it’s okay. And he really likes his new seat. He got very excited when I carried it in the house last night – he wanted me to open it right away. I made him wait until we had dinner, then we installed it and all went for a ride in the super-nice Malibu with a new car seat for Kyan. I offered the old car seat to Ky’s DCP, and she said she could definitely use it – but she had to promise she won’t put Kyan in it. Fortunately she’s a mom and she gets why I feel that way.
So, we’re getting there. It’s still just weird and rough. I think I’ll be happy when I have my own car back and can put all this behind me. It’s just kind of hard not to think about it when I’m driving a car that is so obviously not mine.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Belated thank you
Before it gets too belated, and even tho I'm absolutely certain that it won't be seen by anyone from the department, I want to extend a very heartfelt thank you to the Perkins Police Department, and Detective Jenkins in particular. They took good care of us and made things much easier than they could have been. Detective Jenkins made seeing my car, broken, violated, and in pieces, much easier than I thought it could ever be. After the initial shock, he made me (and my sister, who thoroughly enjoyed herself!) very comfortable and what could've been a painful process much easier.
So to the Perkins Police Department... thank you!!
And um... catch the bad guys, okay?
So to the Perkins Police Department... thank you!!
And um... catch the bad guys, okay?
Friday, December 14, 2007
I win!
For worst week, that is.
Go ahead, try to compete. You don't want to, you won't win.
It started going downhill Weds night when my mom started having chest pains. They were getting really bad and so of course we all thought "heart attack" and took her straight to the ER. They actually did a pretty good job of taking care of her, and she was admitted. They did a ton of tests, and while I'm still not convinced at the results, she's okay now.
I got NO SLEEP that night and called off work on Thurs (obviously) to be at the hospital with her. It was a long night and day, and it was pretty much the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. It was awful, I had to call my sister in Delaware and let her know what was going on, and that was a horrible phone call to have to make. I've decided there are going to be some changes made, some big, some small, because this isn't happening again. And, thinking of my own children, I don't want to put them thru something like that.
After Jaben got out of school on Thurs, I picked him up and went ahead with the plans for the boys Christmas pictures, since mom was okay. My younger sister was with her so it was all good. We went up to the mall (I had a great coupon!), and the pictures came out beautifully! Kyan was awesome, and I think my kids are the most beautiful boys I've ever seen. They still take my breath away. I should have them back in about 10 days or so and will probably post some to share. So that was good, but when we walked out to the parking lot, the car was gone.
It had been stolen.
My car had been stolen while I was inside Sears getting my kids' Christmas pictures taken.
My sister called me while I was standing there trying to decide what to do (in my confusion I wondered if maybe I hadn't parked it where I thought I did) and she came right up. In the meantime, I flagged down a passing police car and told them what had happened. Turned out that they knew there was a stolen SUV in the area. The people who stole it used it as a getaway car in robbing another store in the mall.
This could only happen to me.
They tell me this is done by professionals. They steal a car from one side of the mall and park it in front of a store on the other side, rob the other store and use the stolen car to get away. They then dump the stolen car nearby and get into their own car. They can now drive right past the police without drawing attention. And that is what happened. My car was found in a restaurant parking lot nearby. The back window was smashed out, the steering column was destroyed (hotwired), and it was still running. The officers told me they had to turn it off with a screw driver. (insert giant sigh here)
So I spent today getting all this worked out. I had to meet the detective at the impound lot to identify what belonged to me in the car, and what didn't. They left the rock they used to smash out the window and break the steering column in the cup holder, pieces of my steering column were all over, and they went thru the entire car. My MP3 player was taken, but as far as I could tell just by looking, everything else was still there. They had left a nasty cigarette butt on the center console and tore thru all of my stuff.
My stuff. My car. Our things.
I am so creeped out and feel so violated. Jaben is the same. He's doing a lot better now than he did last night, but it's still just an awful feeling.
The car can't be towed to where it's being fixed until Monday, I need some sort of proof or reciept on the MP3 in order to get it replaced, and I have no idea when I'll have my car back, but there's no deductible on this, so that's good. I also will have a rental car Monday morning. That was a nice surprise since I neglected to get rental coverage. They said my coverage on this is comprehensive, which means anything I need, in this situation, is covered. So that's good - one less thing. And it won't cost me anything. Except some time, peace of mind, and a feeling of security. Pretty expensive, if you ask me.
Of course I was a wreck Thurs night and couldn't sleep, but that was okay because Kyan spent that whole night vomiting on me. About once an hour. Poor baby, and poor me. He's doing a lot better now and we're going to try some mashed potatoes in a little bit. I have my reservations on that one, but we'll see how it goes.
So all in all, I haven't slept in 2 days and, at least for the next 2 days I have no car. I will still have to be late to work on Monday so that I can do the paperwork on my car and get my rental. BUT -- other than Kyan's tummy, everyone is safe and well. It could've been worse... we could've been in the car when they wanted to take it. That's not something I want to think about.
So... I win, right?
Go ahead, try to compete. You don't want to, you won't win.
It started going downhill Weds night when my mom started having chest pains. They were getting really bad and so of course we all thought "heart attack" and took her straight to the ER. They actually did a pretty good job of taking care of her, and she was admitted. They did a ton of tests, and while I'm still not convinced at the results, she's okay now.
I got NO SLEEP that night and called off work on Thurs (obviously) to be at the hospital with her. It was a long night and day, and it was pretty much the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. It was awful, I had to call my sister in Delaware and let her know what was going on, and that was a horrible phone call to have to make. I've decided there are going to be some changes made, some big, some small, because this isn't happening again. And, thinking of my own children, I don't want to put them thru something like that.
After Jaben got out of school on Thurs, I picked him up and went ahead with the plans for the boys Christmas pictures, since mom was okay. My younger sister was with her so it was all good. We went up to the mall (I had a great coupon!), and the pictures came out beautifully! Kyan was awesome, and I think my kids are the most beautiful boys I've ever seen. They still take my breath away. I should have them back in about 10 days or so and will probably post some to share. So that was good, but when we walked out to the parking lot, the car was gone.
It had been stolen.
My car had been stolen while I was inside Sears getting my kids' Christmas pictures taken.
My sister called me while I was standing there trying to decide what to do (in my confusion I wondered if maybe I hadn't parked it where I thought I did) and she came right up. In the meantime, I flagged down a passing police car and told them what had happened. Turned out that they knew there was a stolen SUV in the area. The people who stole it used it as a getaway car in robbing another store in the mall.
This could only happen to me.
They tell me this is done by professionals. They steal a car from one side of the mall and park it in front of a store on the other side, rob the other store and use the stolen car to get away. They then dump the stolen car nearby and get into their own car. They can now drive right past the police without drawing attention. And that is what happened. My car was found in a restaurant parking lot nearby. The back window was smashed out, the steering column was destroyed (hotwired), and it was still running. The officers told me they had to turn it off with a screw driver. (insert giant sigh here)
So I spent today getting all this worked out. I had to meet the detective at the impound lot to identify what belonged to me in the car, and what didn't. They left the rock they used to smash out the window and break the steering column in the cup holder, pieces of my steering column were all over, and they went thru the entire car. My MP3 player was taken, but as far as I could tell just by looking, everything else was still there. They had left a nasty cigarette butt on the center console and tore thru all of my stuff.
My stuff. My car. Our things.
I am so creeped out and feel so violated. Jaben is the same. He's doing a lot better now than he did last night, but it's still just an awful feeling.
The car can't be towed to where it's being fixed until Monday, I need some sort of proof or reciept on the MP3 in order to get it replaced, and I have no idea when I'll have my car back, but there's no deductible on this, so that's good. I also will have a rental car Monday morning. That was a nice surprise since I neglected to get rental coverage. They said my coverage on this is comprehensive, which means anything I need, in this situation, is covered. So that's good - one less thing. And it won't cost me anything. Except some time, peace of mind, and a feeling of security. Pretty expensive, if you ask me.
Of course I was a wreck Thurs night and couldn't sleep, but that was okay because Kyan spent that whole night vomiting on me. About once an hour. Poor baby, and poor me. He's doing a lot better now and we're going to try some mashed potatoes in a little bit. I have my reservations on that one, but we'll see how it goes.
So all in all, I haven't slept in 2 days and, at least for the next 2 days I have no car. I will still have to be late to work on Monday so that I can do the paperwork on my car and get my rental. BUT -- other than Kyan's tummy, everyone is safe and well. It could've been worse... we could've been in the car when they wanted to take it. That's not something I want to think about.
So... I win, right?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Merry Christmas!
Christmas has come to our house! I will take pics of more decorations soon, but I got 2 uploaded tonight.
First, Kyan and Santa at the library. He wants to see Santa again so I will try to make that happen. Besides, it's a cute pic but not the best. This Santa, however, was GREAT! Real hair, real beard, sparkling eyes and sweet as pie! He was awesome!
And then, our tree. It's huge and bright and gaudy and perfect! We LOVE it! We haven't been able to have a big tree in years, but now we can have whatever we want. It's AWESOME!! The bigger and gaudier, the better!
First, Kyan and Santa at the library. He wants to see Santa again so I will try to make that happen. Besides, it's a cute pic but not the best. This Santa, however, was GREAT! Real hair, real beard, sparkling eyes and sweet as pie! He was awesome!
And then, our tree. It's huge and bright and gaudy and perfect! We LOVE it! We haven't been able to have a big tree in years, but now we can have whatever we want. It's AWESOME!! The bigger and gaudier, the better!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
