Thursday, July 20, 2006

Some things require a male touch…

Jaben begins football on August 1st, so we went the other night to have him fitted for his uniform. Size medium helmet, size medium pants, size LARGE shoulder pads (he takes after his mother on this one). Being a non-football kind of girl, I asked a lot of questions, mostly regarding the likelihood of my little guy getting hurt. I’m trusting the coach on this one and expect my little gridiron star returned no worse than bruised and banged. I was told to buy several mouth guards… preferably the kind that attach to the face guard because kids this age tend to lose them. They can be bought at Wal-Mart and apparently are surprisingly cheap. Cleats are not required, but c’mon… the kid’s gotta have some cleats.

And then he said it.

“You also might want to buy him a jock strap. You know, for protection.”

Me: “Uh yeah… that’s a good idea. Um, yeah we’ll do that…”

Coach: “I don’t require it, but if he doesn’t have one he could get hurt so he’s gonna want one.”

*gulp *

I don’t remember much of the conversation after that.

You know, you think you’ve got it down… I’m the mom of a little boy. We’ve survived circumcision, knocks to the privates, toy trucks, dirt, guns, and other things he’d probably kill me for mentioning here. But now… only now do I truly understand greatest hurdle to the single mom of a boy. The first jockstrap. I wouldn’t know where to buy one, how it would fit…..

Okay, this requires a male. So on the way home, we “chatted.”

“So Jabe… you want me to take you to buy a jock strap?”

Him: “I don’t know, what’s it for?”

Me: “It protects your privates, in case you get hit there.”

Him: “Wouldn’t a cup do that?”

Me: “Um… the cup fits into the jock strap and holds it in place…” (I think?!?)

Him: “Um…. Okay…. Do you have to do it?”

Me: “No, we can find somebody else. Would you rather have a guy take you?”

Him: “YES.”

Me: Oh thank God.

Wait, I didn’t say that part out loud.

So, after some discussion, it was decided I would call my cousin and see if her new husband would be willing to take Jaben on that all important shopping trip for his first jock strap. I wonder if it’s anything like a girl’s first bra-shopping trip?


“Hey, how’s it going?”

Her: “Good. What’s up?”

Me: “Well… I wondered if your new husband, of less than a month, would be willing to take my son shopping for his very first jock strap?” Welcome to the family…

Her: * laughs * “Well… I could ask him….”

Best. Conversation. Ever.

So it was decided. My cousin’s brand new husband, the only adult male in the family who lives close enough to do this kind of thing, will be welcomed into the family by taking his brand-new 10 yr old second-cousin-by-marriage to buy his first jock strap.

But like I said… some things require a male touch. I think he married in just in time.


Stacy from PG said...

Rebecca this post is hilarious!!!! I love your writing!

Rebecca said...

Aw, Thank you Stacy!

Anonymous said...

Took me a while to get here but I gotta say...THATS damn funny...wendie72