Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I was working on a post today, but I'm still feeling pretty run down from this cold/flu thing, very tired, burnt out with work and just not much fun. So I think I'll just leave this post at a "hey, hi" and try again when I'm feeling more up to it.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Rocket cake!

Kyan's birthday party is tomorrow and so we decided to make him a rocket cake! Actually, the idea was given to me by the girls on my message board. It was a great idea... the results are... well, it still looks like rocket at least. Kyan said it's his best rocket cake ever! And he's had so many to compare it to! He's also run around singing, "My rocket cake is so crooked! My rocket cake is sooo crooked!"

But... mommy did the best she could, and really, it's not so bad, is it?





Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Happy Birthday Kyan!

Today my baby is 3.

I know it doesn’t sound like much, especially when I think of his great, big 11 yr old brother. But it is. It’s a lot. Three is across the bridge from baby to big boy, three is the beginning of pre-school and peers, independence (not that he’s not trying that one already), “I do it,” and so many other things beyond my control.

He’s not a baby anymore. But he’s my baby. He’s my last baby, and he’ll always be my baby.

Kyan is a unique kid... He’s stubborn and headstrong, smart and oh so funny, shy and bold all at once, loving and infuriating… such a mixture of being in one little body. He’s so bright it’s scary… sometimes he’ll say things that you can’t believe just came out of that little mouth, while other times he still seems so very, very little yet. He loves the outside, his cars and trains and Spongebob, thinks his big brother hung the moon and that the Little Einsteins are his friends. I love when he talks to them on the screen. It just makes me smile.

Last night we were cuddling on the couch when he asked me to sing the “open sleigh hey” song. I had to have him say it again to figure out that he wanted to sing “Jingle Bells.” He spent the entire Christmas season singing “Jingle Bells…” He just loves that song, and he’ll still sing it (usually when he thinks nobody is listening) while he’s playing with his toys.

He’s so cute and soft, he smells more like little boy than baby these days, but there’s a spot on the back of his neck where I bury my nose and inhale Kyan. It’s that smell that will always be my baby boy.

My Kyan turned 3 yrs old at 2:05am today, curled up in mommy’s bed, with my arms wrapped around him, dreaming his sweet, hopefully fun, 3 yr old dreams. Just where he should be.

Happy Birthday Baby – I love you!



Monday, January 21, 2008

I knew it!!

You are a Hippie

You are a total hippie. While you may not wear birks or smell of incense, you have the soul of a hippie.
You don't trust authority, and you do as you please. You're willing to take a stand, even when what you believe isn't popular.

You like to experiment with ideas, lifestyles, and different subcultures.
You always gravitate toward what's radical and subversive. Normal, mainstream culture doesn't really resonate with you.

I kept playing and lookie what else... I swear this isn't a set up!

Your Inner Retro Girl Is

1960s Hippie Chick

Thursday, January 17, 2008


I'm hanging in there! I did end up having to put on a nicotine patch, but that's okay. One step at a time. I was hopeful to do without, but there are worse things. Like, oh, I don't know... smoking?

For someone who said she didn't want to talk about it, I certainly took my time mentioning it, didn't I? I'm just a little obsessed at the moment. Which, if you ask me, is a good thing.

Moving on... this weekend Jaben is supposed to have his Camp Alaska survival training campout with Boy Scouts. It's a 24 hr camp out and takes place Sat-Sun. That night it is supposed to be 8 degrees and snow. I'm still debating on whether to let him go for sure or not, and the leaders said they'd call Friday night if they decide to skip it... so we'll wait, I guess. I just don't like the idea of him trying to sleep outside in 8 degree weather in a tent the boys make themselves out of tarps. Making all their own food... building their own fires. I know I'm a little overprotective, but 8 degrees just seems kind of dangerous to me. They told me they've done this before - in colder weather - but I'm still hesitant. We'll see. I mean, at least they're not calling for SQUALLS anymore.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

2008 will have to work hard to redeem itself

This year was supposed to be better than last year, but really what difference does a date on a calendar make? Not that much, apparently.

Kyan has already been sick. All of last week he ran a temperature ranging from about 101 to 102.5 at it’s highest. The doctor suspected an ear infection, so he had to be on antibiotics and stayed home Monday thru Friday. During the warmest, most beautiful January weather we could hope for.

More issues with child support and subsequently, daycare. Since my daycare is subsidized, we were due for our 6 month review. The caseworker, who hasn’t shown herself to be all that great so far, decided that since we received the annual “I-wanna-keep-my-license” payments, that should be added to actual income and decided to raise my daycare payments. This is not income. The payments are $2800 in arrearages (I know that’s not much but the other owes over $35000) and he’s only paid enough to retain his license. I called, complained, explained, and got it reduced. It’s not as if I enjoy having to use this method to pay for daycare, but it’s my only choice. I would prefer that it not be any harder than it has to be.

My bank hates me. I had an issue this weekend with a deposit not being made active on my bank account in a timely manner, thus resulting in over $100 in overdraft fees. I contacted the bank and went over the whole thing via email. Minor victory – they returned $33 of the charges. Not perfect, but better than I expected. It’s like they agree it wasn’t my fault, but since I have no real recourse they’re only going to do so much. I have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.

The buyer backed out. We had someone all lined up to buy our old house, it had passed inspection and the loan had already gone thru, but they’ve changed their minds. I’m still not sure why. On the positive, we have another buyer interested, but he’s not offering enough. The realtor is going to try to talk him up a bit, but with the market being what it is, we’re going to take what we can get. We’re lucky to have a buyer at all. We need to unload that house… the carrying costs are getting to be too much. So, we’ll end up with a small mortgage on the house we’re in now, and will have to save up the money and nickel and dime the repairs the outside still needs. This is not the position we were hoping to be in, but it is what it is. It’s a nicer house in a much better neighborhood, the neighbors are great, it’s much safer for the kids and they are happier. I just have to remember that the pluses outweigh the minuses by enough that this is a good thing, no matter what.

I do have one good thing… Today is my last day as a smoker. I have been reading a book called The easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr and I honestly believe it’s given me the tools to become a non-smoker. Starting tomorrow. There should be no nicotine replacements (however I do reserve the right to use patches if I decide I want them), and it should be a happy, joyful process. What a wonderful thing to overcome drug addiction and move on with life free of something that’s just become a royal pain. I just don’t want it – it’s too much to think about, too much to deal with, it’s affecting my life, the lives of my children, and every aspect of my life. How wonderful it will be to think about going places, making plans, and living life without worrying about when or if I will be able to smoke!! I would ask that there be no discussion on smoking in general, ways to quit, or stories. This is a very personal thing for me and I need for it to be my way and in my time. Feel free to offer congratulations, but beyond that I ask that you refrain from discussion. Thank you!

So yeah, 2008 has a ways to go, but I have decided that we need things to look forward to, so besides the above I have a few ideas. I’m going to take those boys to Kalahari this year come hell or high water!! I had told Jaben that I didn’t think we could this year (we’ve gone in March the past 2 years), but the more I thought about it the more I think we need it, and we deserve it. I need another adult to take because the boys will want to do different things and I don’t want to be confined to the baby pool the whole time. But we’re doing it. Dammit, we are. I’m also going to take out some tax refund money to set aside for a great Cedar Point day this summer, a trip to the fair, and another weekend getaway to the Toledo Zoo and hotel overnight. These are things we need, and we need to have them to look forward to. There is also Valley Beach in the summer – and oh how my boys love that! There are a lot of obstacles this year and work to be done, but I’m trying hard to be optimistic.

It can only be what we make it, so while 2008 definitely has a ways to go to become a good year, I’m going to try my best to help it along.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


We've just gotten all kinds of snow today! I'm not overly thrilled about driving in it, but I'm excited because it's supposed to snow for the next few days and maybe, just maybe, I will *finally* get to take Kyan sledding! That poor kid has been so cooped up lately. Last week (when the weather was beautiful, of course) he was sick with a temperature and croupy cough all week, so he didn't get to take advantage of the springlike days. All he could talk about once he saw that snow this morning was making a snowman... so I hope he gets the chance.

Jaben got into some trouble this weekend, so he has to come straight home from school all week. I gave him a choice for tonight... he can either unload and put away the clean dishes I ran this morning, or take his little brother outside and help him make a snowman. I know what *I* would choose, but you know what that little... adolescent... said?

"What's in it for me?"

I KNOW!! Little brat. Who raised this kid anyway??

I'll be calling him at about the time he gets home from school to hear his decision. And if he gives me any more attitude, he can do both. Heh. Cuz I'm such a mean mom. Actually Jaben does tell me that I'm the strictest mom he knows. Obviously he doesn't know that many moms because, honestly? I'm a bit of a pushover. What's in it for me... bah.

This is why some animals eat their young.

Maybe this weekend I'll be able to finally get some pics of Kyan sledding to post up here. I never did post the photos from Jaben's play last month. Maybe we'll just do sledding pics in July. Or, knowing me? More like August.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What kind of drink am I?

Copied from Tina... I think this does kind of sound like me.

What Kind of Drink Are You?

You are a Whiskey on the Rocks. You are tough and you know it. It takes a long time for people to get to know you but you wouldn't have it any other way. You don't care what people think, but sometimes that turns people off of you.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I've been tagged

I’ve been tagged by the lovely Laurato do a meme. As she explained it in her blog: The rules are for me to link to the person who tagged me, list 7 weird (I prefer to think charmingly quirky) things about myself and then tag 7 others to play along. And also, most importantly, let them know they have been tagged.

I’ve been trying really hard to think of 7 sufficiently weird things about myself ever since I read Laura’s, and I think I’m getting there. Without further adieu… 7 things that make me weird… er quirky!

1. I can’t stand to wear shoes. I manage fine in the summer, when I can get by in flip flops and sandals, but winter drives me crazy with the heavy socks and shoes that can’t just be slipped off. If I didn’t live in Ohio, I would wear sandals or flip flops year long. And shoes in the house? Fageddaboutit! And I never wear any shoes that can’t just be slipped off.

2. I don’t want to get married. Actually, I never have wanted to get married. I wasn’t one of those little girls who played “Bridal Barbie,” picked out wedding dresses to dream about, or bride’s maid dresses to torment friends with… I just wasn’t into it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I found out people really did those things… I honestly thought it was just on tv. I think I knew this time around I needed to do it solo and this works for me.

3. I believe in reincarnation. Not in the bizarre “If you’re not good you’ll come back as a worm” kind of way. More like in a second-chances kind of way. It says sin the Bible that we’re God’s children, and what parent only gives His child one chance to get things right? I just don’t see it that way. This is not up for debate or further discussion, this is just what I believe.

4. I am so very afraid of heights that I can’t climb a ladder. It’s really bad, like a phobia. Can’t. Do. Heights.

5. I don’t paint my fingernails very often because I can actually feel the weight of the polish on my nails. It really feels strange to me… I can’t even imagine what those fake acrylic things would feel like.

6. I’m getting better about this, but I don’t really know my left from my right. I still have to think about it most of the time. Once, I even drove a good half hour out of my way because I went right when all the time I was thinking I went left. That CAN’T be normal.

7. I don’t know how weird this is, but coming up with 7 things is harder than I thought it’d be, so I’m going to use it. I like to watch “guy tv.” I love Mythbusters, I watched (and DVR’d) every episode of Ice Road Truckers, I love Dirty Jobs! I also like geek-boy cartoons… the Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy are my favorites! I’ve never seen (nor wanted to see) an episode of Desperate Housewives or Grays Anatomy, never watched America’s Next Top Model. Just not my thing.

So there you have it. Seven different things to prove how weird… er, quirky… I am. And now to tag…. Do 7 people even read this blog? Oh well, I’ll just tag people I read and love, and whose blogs I have commented on and hope for the best.

Tina, Dani, Anne, Tracey, Jodi, and um… 2 other people who happen to read this… TAG! You’re it!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Now I just feel sorry for her

Everyone has heard/read about what happened to Britney Spears last night, right? She had a breakdown, locked herself in a room with her son Jaydn and wouldn't let him leave with his father. She ended up being taken to a hospital by ambulance and is now on lockdown or something being watched.

Yes, she's a mess, yes, she's probably on drugs (although I think I read that the tox screen came back clean), and yes she makes bad choices. But how many of us haven't made bad choices? How many of us have had days, weeks, hours - and in some cases even years where we're walking messes? Most of us. If you haven't, you're lucky. We all make bad choices, we all go thru periods where we could very easily end up where Britney is. We're fortunate if we don't and can get thru our bad periods okay. And we don't have to do it in the public eye.

I realize she chose her path and as a consequence is living her life in the spotlight, but she made that choice when she was very, very young. And did she really make that choice, or did her psycho of a mother make that choice for her? Nobody can ever know the answer to that, except maybe for Lynne Spears - and we know she won't say. I know there are things I wanted when I was that young that I would never want or choose now, and I'm sure most people feel the same way. It's possible that fame isn't something Britney would choose, given the chance to do it all again. Who knows?

Regardless, right now that girl is going thru some rough stuff. She gave birth to two children in two years, a divorce, possible addiction, losing her kids, who knows what else - and is going thru all of it with the whole world watching. Those things would be enough to make anyone lose it, and, being human, she's losing it.

She's fortunate in that she can afford to get help, and hopefully someone with a brain will help her to understand that she can choose to make things better. And maybe she will. Maybe she'll get lucky and someone who doesn't want anything from her (yeah right) will come along and help her -- really help her. So that she can move on and have a more normal life, and so that those cute little boys can have a real mom.

Anything can happen, right? I just feel sorry for her. I can't imagine.