Eatin' plants gives ya energy

Whoda thunk it? Eatin' plants gives ya energy! And boy is that important to me these days! I'm in terrible shape -- horrible. Well, unless you consider round. But that's "a" shape, not "in" shape. Which is what I want to be.

So I eat plants. And have started trying Zumba, and tai chi. I just grabbed some youtube videos and use those, but it still counts in that whole "eat less - move more" thing. So it's good. Plus, I can feel that my muscles have worked! Not sore, not pain, but worked. This is very, very good.

See, the past 2 years have been very rough and I've allowed myself to sort of give up on taking care of me. Eating too much crap, not exercising enough, letting how stressed I feel decide what I eat and how I behave rather than kicking stress in the teeth and fighting back. The time has come to FIGHT BACK! Because seriously, when your 5-yr old pats your belly and says, "Mommy, we have to get some weight off you," you have a problem.

But not for long! I'm reclaiming my former healthy, exercising, not-eating-everything-in-sight ways and will get back to myself sooner, rather than later. W00T!

And since it's been a while, gonna post pics of my boys. I can't believe how big Kyan is:




and how GROWN UP Jaben is. How did he get to be a high school freshman??



Those? Are 2 very good reasons to take better care of myself. I want to be around to drive them crazy for a very, very long time!

Might be time to move on

I am really uncomfortable with this blog. I don't feel like I can always post what I want because of certain people who may or may not read. I prefer to avoid confrontation (I'm more the passive-aggressive type - whee!) and have been holding myself back because there are things I dearly want to say that would absolutely bring on confrontation. I am seriously pissed about something that my son has been dealing with and I can't post it here. I'm upset about other things and can't post here. There seem to be more "I can't" issues than I can these days and that really isn't what I want here. This is my blog and I should be able to post about myself and my son without worrying. So I've been thinking it's time to move to a new address. Before I do anything, I need to find out how/if I can import my archives and probably come up with a new design and title. I won't be sharing the address on this site... if you want it please ask and most people will receive it. I'll let you know when I'm ready for that - I haven't even chosen a name yet.

So that's where I'm at right now. This just isn't working anymore.

ooh, how 'bout one post a month?

And let's make it a good one!

Or not.

Happy Birthday to me! I have cramps! YAY!

But, there will be cake. Oh yes, there will be cake.

Unemployed

Yesterday was my last day of work. It wasn't even a full day, I was there just a couple of hours tying up "loose ends." Like, deleting the favorites file from my computer and printing out reference sheets.

Unemployment has been applied for, resume put together, portfolio in progress... and a lot of empty time ahead. I can do anything, everything, and nothing. I can redesign my entire life or simply look for another position, doing the same thing. With likely the same outcome.

But what do I want?

I want to create. I want to telecommute. I want to raise my children myself, but I want to work and show them what can be done, what must be done. What do you do with all that empty time?

I have no idea.

For now, for the present, I will be here, with my boys, spending time. Cleaning, running a garage sale. Tomorrow I think we will go to the open house at NASA. You don't get many chances to do that and it fits right into our new budget. Free.

And after that? After that is a lot of open time, free space, a whole new blank page waiting to be filled. But what to write?

SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I'm like, 15 again!

All five original New Kids on the Block members – Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood and brothers Jordan and Jonathan Knight – will appear together in the Today Show's courtyard on April 4!!!



Now excuse me while I drool a little bit...

So what do you think?

We survived the blizzard and things are melting/thawing out. In fact, it was NICE today. I think it would've been warmer if it weren't for the "cooler effect" caused by the giant piles of snow all around, but it was a pretty nice day. I haven't checked the weather yet, but hopefully we'll have more nice days to come. I am sooo sick of snow and cold. Enough already!

Tell me what you think of my new layout? I'm still figuring the whole HTML thing out, so at this point I'm just working on re-designing and all that, but I think it's coming along nicely. Still needs work, of course, but I think I'm getting there. Fairly feminine, but since so much of this is about my boys, it can't be too girly. Right?

Oh - and I've got some blogs I have begun reading recently that I need to add to the blogroll, so look for additions there soon as well!

Now that I'm done playing (for tonight, anyway!) it's time to head to bed! I might not have to work tomorrow, but I still have to get Jaben off to school. Joy.

Have a great night and a super Friday!

Rotten teeth, rotten kids, needing a getaway

Looks like I’m going to live. Thanks to you who posted with the sympathy! It was pretty miserable for a couple days and while I still can’t chew on that side (shudder) or let anything even remotely hot or cold touch it, I’m doing a lot better. Few things are worse than heavy dental work. It’s just brutal.

It’s also completely thrown me off. Imagine chewing gum on a tooth like that. Ain’t gonna happen, right? Right. So I’m off the nicotine gum for now and will get back to it when the fear that it might touch my tooth and rip something up or out passes. I expect a few more days at least. Then, it’s right back up on that horse!! Bet you’re looking forward to more posts on THAT! But… since I refuse to give up it’s going to happen. Your support is invaluable (hint, hint!).

*******************

Yesterday the boys were home with mom for President’s day, which was great for them. And apparently they had a great day – big breakfast, lunch at McDonald’s, total grandma spoilfest.

Until.

Grandma wasn’t thinking and put Kyan down for his nap without a pull up. He’s never slept in his underwear before so it could’ve been ugly. But when he woke up he was dry! Atta boy, Ky! Unfortunately the celebrations were cut short when, upon being brought into the bathroom to go ahead and potty, Mr. Kyan threw a fit, sat himself down on the bathroom floor and proceeded to pee his pants. Grandma didn’t care much for that (ya think?), stripped him down and sat him on the couch.

For me to deal with when I came home.

*sigh*

And that was just the beginning of the night from hell. Neither of those boys were very pleasant to be around last night. Got to the point where I wanted to take one head in my right hand, the other head in my left and ….. SMASH!!

Fortunately this is not an option.

You’d think two little boys who are going to Kalahari tomorrow – Thurs would behave better than that. I swear if it was refundable I’d have been tempted.

Or not. I really wanna go . Waterparks rock, but also I get to meet up with Stacy, who I’ve “known” from my message board for a few years and will be going with her family about the same time. I am so excited to meet her it's kind of silly! With that as incentive, I don’t care how rotten those boys are, I’m going. And I will try to get some decent pictures to share since I have a working camera now.

Till then, have a super week!

*whimper*

I got a filling today. In a molar. It was a really bad one.

No, I'm not being a whimp. Hell, I went thru childbirth on pitocin with no meds... I can handle one little filling!

Except this one isn't little. I swear the man rebuilt my tooth using filling material. There was smoke. And blood.

Okay, I'm making up the smoke but the blood was real.

You know it's bad when the dentist says he'll call the next day to check on you.

Ow.

Hello

I'm hanging in there! I did end up having to put on a nicotine patch, but that's okay. One step at a time. I was hopeful to do without, but there are worse things. Like, oh, I don't know... smoking?

For someone who said she didn't want to talk about it, I certainly took my time mentioning it, didn't I? I'm just a little obsessed at the moment. Which, if you ask me, is a good thing.

Moving on... this weekend Jaben is supposed to have his Camp Alaska survival training campout with Boy Scouts. It's a 24 hr camp out and takes place Sat-Sun. That night it is supposed to be 8 degrees and snow. I'm still debating on whether to let him go for sure or not, and the leaders said they'd call Friday night if they decide to skip it... so we'll wait, I guess. I just don't like the idea of him trying to sleep outside in 8 degree weather in a tent the boys make themselves out of tarps. Making all their own food... building their own fires. I know I'm a little overprotective, but 8 degrees just seems kind of dangerous to me. They told me they've done this before - in colder weather - but I'm still hesitant. We'll see. I mean, at least they're not calling for SQUALLS anymore.

2008 will have to work hard to redeem itself

This year was supposed to be better than last year, but really what difference does a date on a calendar make? Not that much, apparently.

Kyan has already been sick. All of last week he ran a temperature ranging from about 101 to 102.5 at it’s highest. The doctor suspected an ear infection, so he had to be on antibiotics and stayed home Monday thru Friday. During the warmest, most beautiful January weather we could hope for.

More issues with child support and subsequently, daycare. Since my daycare is subsidized, we were due for our 6 month review. The caseworker, who hasn’t shown herself to be all that great so far, decided that since we received the annual “I-wanna-keep-my-license” payments, that should be added to actual income and decided to raise my daycare payments. This is not income. The payments are $2800 in arrearages (I know that’s not much but the other owes over $35000) and he’s only paid enough to retain his license. I called, complained, explained, and got it reduced. It’s not as if I enjoy having to use this method to pay for daycare, but it’s my only choice. I would prefer that it not be any harder than it has to be.

My bank hates me. I had an issue this weekend with a deposit not being made active on my bank account in a timely manner, thus resulting in over $100 in overdraft fees. I contacted the bank and went over the whole thing via email. Minor victory – they returned $33 of the charges. Not perfect, but better than I expected. It’s like they agree it wasn’t my fault, but since I have no real recourse they’re only going to do so much. I have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.

The buyer backed out. We had someone all lined up to buy our old house, it had passed inspection and the loan had already gone thru, but they’ve changed their minds. I’m still not sure why. On the positive, we have another buyer interested, but he’s not offering enough. The realtor is going to try to talk him up a bit, but with the market being what it is, we’re going to take what we can get. We’re lucky to have a buyer at all. We need to unload that house… the carrying costs are getting to be too much. So, we’ll end up with a small mortgage on the house we’re in now, and will have to save up the money and nickel and dime the repairs the outside still needs. This is not the position we were hoping to be in, but it is what it is. It’s a nicer house in a much better neighborhood, the neighbors are great, it’s much safer for the kids and they are happier. I just have to remember that the pluses outweigh the minuses by enough that this is a good thing, no matter what.

I do have one good thing… Today is my last day as a smoker. I have been reading a book called The easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr and I honestly believe it’s given me the tools to become a non-smoker. Starting tomorrow. There should be no nicotine replacements (however I do reserve the right to use patches if I decide I want them), and it should be a happy, joyful process. What a wonderful thing to overcome drug addiction and move on with life free of something that’s just become a royal pain. I just don’t want it – it’s too much to think about, too much to deal with, it’s affecting my life, the lives of my children, and every aspect of my life. How wonderful it will be to think about going places, making plans, and living life without worrying about when or if I will be able to smoke!! I would ask that there be no discussion on smoking in general, ways to quit, or stories. This is a very personal thing for me and I need for it to be my way and in my time. Feel free to offer congratulations, but beyond that I ask that you refrain from discussion. Thank you!

So yeah, 2008 has a ways to go, but I have decided that we need things to look forward to, so besides the above I have a few ideas. I’m going to take those boys to Kalahari this year come hell or high water!! I had told Jaben that I didn’t think we could this year (we’ve gone in March the past 2 years), but the more I thought about it the more I think we need it, and we deserve it. I need another adult to take because the boys will want to do different things and I don’t want to be confined to the baby pool the whole time. But we’re doing it. Dammit, we are. I’m also going to take out some tax refund money to set aside for a great Cedar Point day this summer, a trip to the fair, and another weekend getaway to the Toledo Zoo and hotel overnight. These are things we need, and we need to have them to look forward to. There is also Valley Beach in the summer – and oh how my boys love that! There are a lot of obstacles this year and work to be done, but I’m trying hard to be optimistic.

It can only be what we make it, so while 2008 definitely has a ways to go to become a good year, I’m going to try my best to help it along.

17 things

Since it's 17 days into NaBloPoMo, I thought I'd do 17 things. But what things?

Oh! I know -- 17 things I'm not very good at!! Here we go kids!

1. Cooking - inedible pancakes... just ask Jaben, poor kid knows all too well.

2. Athletics - too clumsy for it.

3. Cleaning.

4. Doing my nails. I either put it off too long and they break, or I end up with polish all over everything.

5. Keeping my eyebrows up. You'd think, with giant caterpillars for brows, I'd be better at that. But I'm not.

6. Trimming toenails. Mine or the boys, it doesn't always get done when it needs to.

7. Managing money. I've seen worse, but I've seen LOTS better. I'd probably give an accountant a heart attack.

8. Relationships. Y'know, like with boys? But you kind of figured that out already, didn't you?

9. Waiting. I am so very impatient!! I hate waiting in line, in traffic, for a cd to burn... ugh, I hate waiting!

10. Lying. I've always been a terrible liar. But I think that's a good thing.

11. Singing. I want to be, I can kind of carry a tune, but I can't really sing. And I always wanted to be able to do that.

12. Taking time for myself. Between work, keeping up the house, Jaben's activities and trying to do things for and with Kyan, I don't often get around to me. Which might explain 4, 5, & 6.

13. Making lists of things I'm not very good at. 17 might have been a bit ambitious.

14. Breaking bad habits. I quit biting my nails years ago, but other things haven't been quite so easy.

15. Picking out decent clothes. I usually like what I'm wearing, but I wouldn't want to ask anyone else what they think of it.

16. Walking in heels. The few times I've tried it (once in really huge ones for a wedding), I've looked like Frankenstein. Never again.

17. HTML. I know a few small tricks, but that's about it. I have no memory for it and I really wish I did.

So there you have it, 17 things I'm not very good at. Maybe I should do things I'm good at next time. Boost myself up a bit, y'know?

um

Yeah, it'd be nice if I'd update, wouldn't it?

But I'm not.

So yes, this post is a teaser.

If you haven't already, join Facebook and look me up. I discovered it this week (well actually I'd already heard about it, but I finally joined this week) and am now looking for friends. Check it out - it could very well be addictive! Like we all need more reasons to go online.

C-ya!

Roller Coaster Day

Things have been so up and down the past couple of days! This weekend, the boys were difficult, to say the least. Kyan was very whiney and seemed overtired a lot of the time, but wouldn’t take good naps. Jaben’s jobs this weekend were to mow the lawn, clean his bedroom and take out the trash. That’s it.

It took him 2 days to take out the trash.

It took him 2 days to mow the lawn.

His bedroom is still not finished.

He was mouthy and disrespectful to me; he talked back to his grandmother (BIG no no!!), and he took his frustrations out on his little brother – who is not old enough to understand. He was just not my sweet Jabe this weekend and I refuse to raise a brat.

So, I took away his tv, his video game, his mp3 player, and his comic books. He’s not allowed to watch tv or play on the computer. I even took away Boy Scouts this week.

Because of all this, my Monday didn’t start out so hot. But then after school, Jaben called and told me he got Student of the Month at school! I’m so proud of him! With all the problems he’s had at school, this is major! He’s had a huge turn around this year and his teachers have made sure to tell me how great he’s doing – but this is a wonderful confirmation! I’ve already put the cheesy “Student of the Month” window sticker on my car and I think it looks great there. I LOVE IT! Oh, and now he gets to go to Boy Scouts this week.

And then, more bad news. I found out my babysitter’s husband got transferred. And I am heartbroken. He was asked what it would take for him to move, so he picked a huge amount of money and a few other things and they found out yesterday that the company agreed. He has to be there Monday! In North Carolina!! She and the kids will be following soon… so I’ve got a month to find a new provider and refigure all my summer plans for the boys. Jaben was going to be there 2 days a week, and Kyan… I’m still crying and I can’t stop. Not continually, but y’know.

It’s just that he LOVES her. And she really loves him. And her 2-yr old and Kyan are like brothers. She came over last night to talk, because she wouldn’t tell me this kind of thing over the phone or when I’m rushing to work, thank God, and watching them play together just about broke my heart. I LIKE her. I hate to lose her… she’s like family and she’s such a good person. She said she’s a little irked at her husband because he did this without consulting her, but it’s done now and they have to deal with it. She’s not happy tho, and neither are the kids. When I dropped Kyan off this morning, her 8 yr old asked me if I cried last night and I told him I did. He said he did too and he doesn’t want to move. He’s the one with autism… and I wonder how it’s going to affect him. His therapists are here, his doctors are here and they’ve done so great with him. I’d never have known he’s severely autistic if she hadn’t told me. He’s also one of the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen.

She gave me the name and number of the only provider she’s willing to recommend, but who’s going to have space NOW? School will be out in a month and I’m afraid everyone has already been booked up for the summer. Even if this woman can make space (she did ask her to try to make space for Kyan and a couple of other children who she loves), it’s going to be another big change for Kyan. He’s been so happy there, he’s blossomed, he LOVES her son and he’s not old enough to understand.

How do you explain to a 2-yr old that he’s losing his best friend and his entire weekday world? This sucks. It just sucks.

I didn’t sleep well last night, thinking about things. I got up this morning wishing I could run thru Starbucks on the way to work, but since Kyan’s sperm donor quit his job and I’m no longer getting child support, that’s not an option. Or it wasn’t, until I found a little package that arrived for me from a sweet friend. It was an early Mother’s Day present and it had yummy Heath bars, cute magnets, and the one thing I really needed right then… a Starbucks gift card. What a great thing to find this morning! It definitely made me feel better! I hope tho, that things will settle down for me. Honestly, I can take up up up or down down down, but this up and down has got to stop!

*sigh* Maybe once I find a new babysitter? We’re really going to miss her.

Interview

I just posted - I know, don't have a heart attack - 2 posts in one day! But I just looked at my blog and I saw that Kimberly posted my interview questions! A while back, in her blog she posted about interviewing each other and I volunteered because, well, if you read my other post you know ideas have been hard to come by. So, without futher adiou...

1. Who was your very first teen idol crush?
I'd say Rick Springfield, but I wasn't a teen yet and he was past that. How 'bout I go with Wil Wheaton? First, I can link to HIS blog (does this make me creepy stalker girl now?), and second he was such a cutie! I like me some geek-boys and ya gotta like one who's proud of it. I used to know the entire dialogue to Stand By Me, and my walls were covered with posters of Wil, Corey and Corey. *sigh* To be young and silly again!

2. What is your biggest regret?
Way to ask the tough questions! I honestly think my biggest regret is not finishing my teaching degree. I'd be making WAY more money now with summers off to spend with the kiddos when they're out of school.

3. Your greatest hope?
My greatest hope is that my boys grow up to be good people. I want them to both earn their college degrees, find good jobs, someone to love who will love them and treat them well, and to have all the healthy children they desire. The biggest thing that I can hope for is my boys to have long, happy, healthy lives and to be able to handle whatever life throws their way.

4. If you could do one totally selfish thing, with no consequences, what would it be?
Ooh... temptation! I only get one, huh? I think I'd hop a plane to Paris. I'd shop on credit (no consequences includes no CC debt, right?), visit the Eifel tower, wander around the city taking in all the sights, visiting museums and just relaxing and enjoying myself. Oh, and I might have an affair with a hot Frenchman.

5. Who would win in a fight, Betty or Wilma?
Wilma. Betty is such a wus.

Okay, now if anyone read this and would like to be interviewed, post in the comments with a link to your blog and I'll think up some interview questions for you!

To blog or not to blog

That is the question. I don't even feel guilty anymore about going full weeks without a post because I honestly don't think anyone even reads my inane ramblings. Plus, I've got a lot of stuff on my mind I obviously CAN'T blog about so I'm having trouble even coming up with cute/weird/funny stuff to post about the boys.

The whole thing is beginning to seem rather pointless and self serving. And that's silly because it kind of feels like a chore, when I think about it. Which, honestly, I often don't.

But on the other hand, I like having this blog, I like the connections I've gotten from other bloggers and I love when someone I enjoy reading links to me. And honestly, why wouldn't I enjoy the "all about me" factor?

I guess if I did one of those blogs where you do a theme every day it might not seem as daunting as trying to come up with an idea that's not assinine, but I'm not a joiner and most of those have a main blog that generates the ideas. So not for me.

Maybe rather than quitting altogether, and let's be honest - if I wanted to quit I'd have done it rather than endlessly talking about it - it's time for a major revamp. Now that's an idea I can get behind. A project!!

Bears thinking about. Guess we'll find out, won't we!

Mmmmmmmmmints!

Kyan is doing world’s better now. No more vomiting, no more diarrhea. Wish I could say the same for the incessant whining. I’m not sure what’s up with that but it’s driving me and everyone else crazy. I don’t know if he’s still not feeling 100%, or if it’s due to his schedule being messed up for days on end, or if it’s just another phase I’m not going to like, but he’s being a major whine tit. I love the kid, don’t get me wrong, but somebody please tell me how to get him to stop whining!!

It doesn’t help much that I’ve caught his stomach thing. It hit me I think sometime during the night on Saturday night because I woke up with it Sunday morning. If it weren’t for my mom, I’m not sure we would’ve survived Sunday. I couldn’t get out of bed, literally crawling to the bathroom. Repeatedly. ‘Nuff said about that.

I still had to go to work on Monday, and was miserable the whole day. Food is not my friend. I’m also at work today (Tuesday), and managing to get thru it. Not happy about it, but I don’t have any choices. I started sucking on mints this morning because I remember someone telling me once (my grandma, maybe?) that sucking mints was good for nausea. And it is helping, some. I’ve blown thru probably half a pack of lifesavers wint-o-greens already, and if I run out before the end of the day I may need to make a quick run to the store to buy a bag of something minty to suck on.

I’m also (and this is our little secret -- shhhhhh) sitting with my jeans unbuttoned. Nobody can see, nobody knows but me (and anyone on the ‘net who cares), but honestly – when your stomach has been upset for a few days, you don’t want the waistband of jeans digging into it. And they do, when you sit, even if they’re loose. Which these are.

Or maybe that’s just me and my gut… but regardless, if nobody knows then it doesn’t matter and it’s soooooo much more comfortable!

My rockin’ mom, who saved my ass on Sunday taking care of J & K (incessantly whining and crying) made homemade chicken soup last night. And it was so yummy! But my tummy wasn’t quite ready, so that kind of sucked. I packed some up to bring for lunch today, but since food still isn’t my friend, I’m afraid it’s not going to get eaten. Which really is too bad because my mom makes the BEST chicken soup on the planet. I swear.

At this point, I’m just hanging on for warmer weather when the germies will likely leave us alone. I think we’ve had our share of sickness this year – and then some. Hopefully soon everyone will be feeling all better again and this sick season will be behind us!

VisualDNA

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Ahhhhhhh.............

I did something today that I haven't done in a loooooooooooooong time.

No, not that. Get your mind out of the gutter, perv.

I actually went to see a movie - a CURRENT movie - a movie that wasn't animated and didn't have any talking animals in it!

Thank God for my sister, who watched the boys for a couple of hours! I took myself out and saw Music and Lyrics, with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant, and it was so cute! Of course I love Drew and Hugh (and Lewie...anyone else think of Donald Duck's nephews when they hear that?) so that was a major selling point, but in the beginning they show this cheesy 80's style video of the band Hugh's character was in, in the 80's. It was hysterical! The whole movie was just so damn cute.

But it wasn't just the movie, it was the opportunity to get out of the house without the boys to go somewhere other than work. It was the choice to do something for myself that I've been needing to do for some time and just hadn't. I forget sometimes that I need to do these things for me, in my largely failing quest to be all things to all people. I know for anyone who knows me that's probably hard to believe, but some days, weeks, months, that's how I feel. And it's impossible to be all things to all people, so maybe every now and again I need to focus on just doing something for myself. That $20 I spent today couldn't have gone to a better cause... my own sanity. And the frozen caramel coffee I bought afterwords didn't hurt either! I feel much more relaxed and just human now than I have in a long time. It would be really, really good for me to remember sometimes that I need to take care of me too, and that just because it's Saturday doesn't mean the breakfast dishes can't wait a little while longer.

Of course those dishes are still there and I do need to do a few things around here, but I'll get to it. It just felt like it was high time I did that thing for me that I needed to do, and I need to remember to do it more often. I told my sister I should do this once a month and she said she'd watch the boys if I did. I don't know that it'll actually happen that way, but it's nice to have the option.

Now if only I had a giant bathtub and some great smelling bubblebath, I'd be all set.