2nd Annual To Write Love on Her Arms Day

If you facebook, see http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=11245747740 for the event information.

If you don't, see http://www.twloha.com/

On Thursday, November 13, we're writing the word LOVE on our arms to promote depression and suicide awareness. Please check the above links on Facebook or the web and participate. All you have to do is write LOVE on your arm, and talk to anyone who asks about it. You can also send donations thru the website - or even to your local suicide prevention hotline if you like. Please read the Vision link on the website to see what it's all about, and consider participating.

All you need is love, right?

Unemployed

Yesterday was my last day of work. It wasn't even a full day, I was there just a couple of hours tying up "loose ends." Like, deleting the favorites file from my computer and printing out reference sheets.

Unemployment has been applied for, resume put together, portfolio in progress... and a lot of empty time ahead. I can do anything, everything, and nothing. I can redesign my entire life or simply look for another position, doing the same thing. With likely the same outcome.

But what do I want?

I want to create. I want to telecommute. I want to raise my children myself, but I want to work and show them what can be done, what must be done. What do you do with all that empty time?

I have no idea.

For now, for the present, I will be here, with my boys, spending time. Cleaning, running a garage sale. Tomorrow I think we will go to the open house at NASA. You don't get many chances to do that and it fits right into our new budget. Free.

And after that? After that is a lot of open time, free space, a whole new blank page waiting to be filled. But what to write?

Best search ever!

Checking out what searches lead people to this blog, I found…

Muslim woman boobs out

‘Nuff said.

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I need to be quick here, but please look up Mrs. Grumpy on the bloglist to your right, and stop by and give her love. Her daughter is very ill and in the hospital. This family has been thru enough, so please send healing vibes!!

Rental cars and car seats

I have a car to drive now. The dealer who’s fixing my car talked to my insurance company and found that I am covered for a rental, under the circumstances. So yesterday I dropped by and picked up a really cute Chevy Cobalt. LOVED that car. Didn’t get to keep it tho.

The windshield washer fluid didn’t work, and with the snow, etc, and my commute, I couldn’t have that. I had a guy here at work look at it for me and he couldn’t get it to work either, so I called the dealer/rental place and they agreed to swap it out for me. So after work last night I picked up an absolutely beautiful Chevy Malibu. VERY nice car. A little too much car for me – the Cobalt was more me, but this’ll be juuuuust fine for a week or so until I get my Jeep back. It is an awesome car. Jaben loves it and would prefer to keep it… ahahahahaha!! Like that’d happen, even if I didn’t owe so much on the Jeep. Malibu’s are super nice cars and waaaay outside my price range.

And that’s another thing. I still owe quite a bit on that Jeep, and I’m certain that being broken into, stolen, and molested like it was, it’s not worth as much now. I’m afraid that, after all the progress I’ve made paying this loan down, I’m back upside down again and that pisses me off to no end. I wish I could come up with the money to just pay it off and not have to worry about it. Soooo not gonna happen, but it’d be nice.

I have moments when I do feel sorry for myself. It’s frustrating, I do everything right, as well as I can, and still can’t get ahead. And I know this theme is universal, it’s not just me, but I have needed a few moments here and there to wallow. As a whole, I know I’m handling this a lot better than anyone expected of me (being the emotionally stable person I am, ha-ha), and that’s good to hear, but I wish I didn’t have to deal with it at all. It sucks. It just sucks. Apparently locking your car, parking close to the store near lights doesn’t help after all. I wish I could afford an alarm system, but then again, what are the chances it’ll get stolen again? Especially in this area, it’s slim to none. Which is good, but that doesn’t help with the paranoia. I’ve got this super nice, rented car, that’s way outside what I could afford to pay for, sitting in the parking lot, and I’m worried about it now. That’s just not right.

On the up side, I got a great deal on a new car seat for Kyan. It was on sale for $34 (yay!) and it will convert to a booster when he’s ready. I discovered he was nearing the height/weight limits on his old seat anyway, so it would have had to be replaced with in the year, so it’s okay. And he really likes his new seat. He got very excited when I carried it in the house last night – he wanted me to open it right away. I made him wait until we had dinner, then we installed it and all went for a ride in the super-nice Malibu with a new car seat for Kyan. I offered the old car seat to Ky’s DCP, and she said she could definitely use it – but she had to promise she won’t put Kyan in it. Fortunately she’s a mom and she gets why I feel that way.

So, we’re getting there. It’s still just weird and rough. I think I’ll be happy when I have my own car back and can put all this behind me. It’s just kind of hard not to think about it when I’m driving a car that is so obviously not mine.

I win!

For worst week, that is.

Go ahead, try to compete. You don't want to, you won't win.

It started going downhill Weds night when my mom started having chest pains. They were getting really bad and so of course we all thought "heart attack" and took her straight to the ER. They actually did a pretty good job of taking care of her, and she was admitted. They did a ton of tests, and while I'm still not convinced at the results, she's okay now.

I got NO SLEEP that night and called off work on Thurs (obviously) to be at the hospital with her. It was a long night and day, and it was pretty much the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. It was awful, I had to call my sister in Delaware and let her know what was going on, and that was a horrible phone call to have to make. I've decided there are going to be some changes made, some big, some small, because this isn't happening again. And, thinking of my own children, I don't want to put them thru something like that.

After Jaben got out of school on Thurs, I picked him up and went ahead with the plans for the boys Christmas pictures, since mom was okay. My younger sister was with her so it was all good. We went up to the mall (I had a great coupon!), and the pictures came out beautifully! Kyan was awesome, and I think my kids are the most beautiful boys I've ever seen. They still take my breath away. I should have them back in about 10 days or so and will probably post some to share. So that was good, but when we walked out to the parking lot, the car was gone.

It had been stolen.

My car had been stolen while I was inside Sears getting my kids' Christmas pictures taken.

My sister called me while I was standing there trying to decide what to do (in my confusion I wondered if maybe I hadn't parked it where I thought I did) and she came right up. In the meantime, I flagged down a passing police car and told them what had happened. Turned out that they knew there was a stolen SUV in the area. The people who stole it used it as a getaway car in robbing another store in the mall.

This could only happen to me.

They tell me this is done by professionals. They steal a car from one side of the mall and park it in front of a store on the other side, rob the other store and use the stolen car to get away. They then dump the stolen car nearby and get into their own car. They can now drive right past the police without drawing attention. And that is what happened. My car was found in a restaurant parking lot nearby. The back window was smashed out, the steering column was destroyed (hotwired), and it was still running. The officers told me they had to turn it off with a screw driver. (insert giant sigh here)

So I spent today getting all this worked out. I had to meet the detective at the impound lot to identify what belonged to me in the car, and what didn't. They left the rock they used to smash out the window and break the steering column in the cup holder, pieces of my steering column were all over, and they went thru the entire car. My MP3 player was taken, but as far as I could tell just by looking, everything else was still there. They had left a nasty cigarette butt on the center console and tore thru all of my stuff.

My stuff. My car. Our things.

I am so creeped out and feel so violated. Jaben is the same. He's doing a lot better now than he did last night, but it's still just an awful feeling.

The car can't be towed to where it's being fixed until Monday, I need some sort of proof or reciept on the MP3 in order to get it replaced, and I have no idea when I'll have my car back, but there's no deductible on this, so that's good. I also will have a rental car Monday morning. That was a nice surprise since I neglected to get rental coverage. They said my coverage on this is comprehensive, which means anything I need, in this situation, is covered. So that's good - one less thing. And it won't cost me anything. Except some time, peace of mind, and a feeling of security. Pretty expensive, if you ask me.

Of course I was a wreck Thurs night and couldn't sleep, but that was okay because Kyan spent that whole night vomiting on me. About once an hour. Poor baby, and poor me. He's doing a lot better now and we're going to try some mashed potatoes in a little bit. I have my reservations on that one, but we'll see how it goes.

So all in all, I haven't slept in 2 days and, at least for the next 2 days I have no car. I will still have to be late to work on Monday so that I can do the paperwork on my car and get my rental. BUT -- other than Kyan's tummy, everyone is safe and well. It could've been worse... we could've been in the car when they wanted to take it. That's not something I want to think about.

So... I win, right?

My son is driving me bats

Yeah, that'd be Kyan. He's in a moooood tonight. I have this theory... the more ornery they are, the cuter they are. I think God did that for their own protection. As soon as I finish this post, the cute little bugger is getting a bath and going straight to bed. It's really for his own good, I swear.

I've read a few posts today cursing NaBloPoMo, and I know how they feel! It's insane that I feel like I have to post, because I said I would, but the only person I'd really be letting down is myself. But then I don't want to let me down either. And so I soldier on.

I have had a very cool visitor recently tho, who I feel I need to comment on. I had a nice comment from Mrs. Grumpy in my inbox today. I don't know if you've read her blog, but she's having a very rough go of it. She recently lost her husband and is now riding the roller coaster. And contrary to what she thinks, she's hanging on admirably. Few things in life will throw you into a tailspin like the loss of a spouse or child. Between Mrs. Grumpy and Rachel, who lost her daughter over the summer, I've learned so much about the strength a human being can possess. I can't imagine you two amazing women read my blog, even after knowing Mrs. Grumpy has visited, but if she or Rachel happen to stop by, I want you to know that I think you're amazing people.

If anyone else is reading this who hasn't had the priviledge to meet Mrs. Grumpy and Rachel, I urge you to visit their blogs. Say hi, let them know you stopped in. It's worth it, I promise. These are two very amazing women and I feel very lucky to have stumbled across their blogs.

Hug your babies, count your blessings

I feel compelled to write this down. I read a lot of blogs. Some every day, some once, twice, linked from other blogs, found by accident. This week, I found a blog that made my heart hurt and my arms ache to hold my babies.

I was reading this post on Tracey’s blog and went on to read about Hannah’s mom. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so tragic, so loving, so beautiful, and so very full of pride and hurt. I ache for this mom, this family that I have never and will never meet. What a beautiful little girl, what a terrible loss.

The very thought makes me hurt all over. My stomach hurts, my heart hurts, my arms ache to hold my boys tight and protect them from all the horrible things that could happen. It happens every day to families who never think it could happen to them. It makes me want to be a better mom, to make sure beyond any doubt that they know I love them more than my next breath, that they’re the reason I get up in the morning, that those 2 sets of brown eyes are the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and oh God how very lucky I am to have them.

Don’t waste it. Hug your babies, tell them you love them, dress up in sparklies in honor of Hannah, play a silly game, pick some flowers, have a tickle fight. Above all, be there. Be the strength behind everything they do, love them so hard they feel it no matter where they are. We have no way of knowing what life will bring next, so live it as hard as you can.

Prayer request

Since I believe you can never have too many people praying and sending you good thoughts, I'm going to ask that you keep a friend of mine in mind. I don't know her IRL, "just" online, but I know that she's an amazing person, with a husband and a son she loves and a huge heart. She just found out that she has skin cancer. I don't have details or anything, and honestly, even if I did I don't think I'd post them. All I want is to get as many healing vibes and prayers out to her as possible.

Vomitus toddlerus & other things

So Kyan is still puking. In fact, he used his perfect aim to projectile vomit on Jaben this morning. Oh his face and upper body. To say Jaben was repulsed is a gross understatement.

Get it? Gross understatement? Yeah, I'm so damn witty.

I just don't know at this point what the hell is going on or what to do to help him get over this and not get sick again in another month. It's getting ridiculous, frustrating, and worrisome. He's got suppositories from the Dr to help with the nausea, but he's still not eating and barely drinking enough. It just seems like with everything doctors can do these days, there would be a way to get a toddler thru a virus (?) more quickly and with less pain than this. I know there are many people with truly sick kids and other loved ones, but this one is MINE and I want him better. Healthy. As in, no longer puking up everything that hits his little tummy.

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Speaking of people with real physical hurdles........ I posted earlier about Erik's friend Uma and what she's been going thru after having an aneurysm burst. She is now back in California thanx to a ride on an air ambulance and according to all of Erik's updates, is making amazing strides. The treatment Uma needs is going to be costly and go on for quite a while. The air ambulance alone was $20,000, I think. I might have that wrong as I'm going from memory here. But regardless of the actual dollar amount it's a lot. There is also ongoing hospitalization, rehab, and basic living expenses once she's out of the hospital and back home, yet unable to work. She's making amazing strides, as I said, but it's going to take a lot of time. And money.

I can't personally help out in that way, but I thought I'd contribute in this way. They've set up a site you can visit to help with Uma's expenses. I love that they're not only doing this, but that it's working. People are sending money to help Uma, and on his blog, Erik has kept the updates current so we can all see how wonderfully Uma is progressing. If you haven't read about Uma's story, please go check it out. She's inspiring. And if you have a few extra $$, I know where it can be put to good use.

Amazing.

Want to see something really inspiring? Go here.

More energy for Uma

I posted before about Erik's friend Uma and what she's going thru. I just wanted to take a moment to ask you to check back in at Erik's blog, read the updates and maybe send some energy of your own out to Uma. Looks like she's fighting the good fight but could still use all the positive she can get.

We should all have a friend as loving as Erik. I'm just sayin'.

Love chain

Anyone have any prayers, good karma, or healing vibes to spare? They are in great demand today, if you do. My little guy is still sick. Today was day 7 of this virus he can't seem to kick and I'm getting pretty worried. He hasn't kept any food in him, really, in a week. He's seen the doctor, I called again today and I get the same answer... keep him hydrated with water and gatorade but it's a virus and it'll pass. But see, it's not passing. It's been 24-48 hrs with most everyone else and Kyan is heading into day 8. He's already gone seven days so far with basically no nutrition. He's lost 2 lbs that I know of. Doesn't sound like much except he's only just turned 2 and he was underweight to begin with. Nothing stays down, or in and I'm out of ideas. He thew up jello, rice, chicken broth, toast... you name it, we've tried it. He's crying for milk - his little body is craving it. I just don't know what to do for him anymore. If you've got ideas, please comment, we could use all the ideas we could get.

The other, more serious, can be read about here: my year of new things: Urp. Erik, I hope you don't mind, but I figured if I could put more prayers and more good thoughts out into the universe then I should do that. Just please, add Uma to your prayers and thoughts so that she is able to make her recovery and get back to her life and those she loves.

Thanks guys.