Friday, October 12, 2007

Goodbye, house

Excuse me while I have a sentamental moment. It just really hit me that this is the last weekend we will ever truly live in this house. I'm really ready to move, to move on... but there are so many bits of my life wrapped up in this house that maybe it's not so easy as I imagined.

At 15... I can still see my grandfather sitting on the edge of my bed (the only time he was ever in my bedroom) in the middle of the night, telling me my grandmother had passed away.

At 17... walking through the door as a high school graduate, and running right back out again to celebrate and party with friends.

At 19... moving out for the first time to go to college.

At 23... bringing home my first baby from the hospital, as a new single mom. God, that was the scariest thing I've ever done.

At 27... sitting on the couch in the living room, awake for the entire night, with Jaben on my lap dozing fitfully with his broken arm, still uncasted cradled against his tiny 4-yr old body.

At 32... (should I stop with the ages now??) the word "Pregnant" showing up on the test... unexepected, but not really, in the tiny bathroom off the living room. Bringing my second baby home from the hospital... more experienced, not as scared, but still the unknown. Seeing my first baby feed my second baby - his new, much loved baby brother - his bottle with the most tender, sweet look of wonder on his face.

Two sets of first steps, first words, first hugs, first "I love you..."

There is a lot of history in this house, a lot of memories... both good and bad. I have to remember that they don't stay here, they come with me. With us. It really is time to move on, that this new house, new neighborhood and new schedule are what we need now. This is a very good thing for my family, for my boys, for our lives. But even when it's the best, most exciting thing, when you've worked so hard for something and wanted it so badly... sometimes it's hard to leave a place filled with so many memories, so much of our lives. It's only across town, and this house with it's memories of our lives will always be here. And everything that happened, all of our memories will always be with us.

I can't wait to move, to move on... but I just needed a moment to say goodbye house.


palmtreefanatic said...

I remember in High school coming to spend the night at your house! Such freedom you got! I had fun walking in your neighborhood, toilet papering homes etc with you;)

Then Dejavu, a million yrs later Bringinig my oldest to spend the night at your house, NOW THAT was weird;)
Yet still the same I enjoyed the memories in your home too;)

Jen said...

Not only was that incredibly well-written, it made me cry.

I remember that first one like it was yesterday, too.

"A house is a shell, the people inside and the memories collected make it a home" ~Unknown