Twelve years ago today...

12 yrs ago today I was sitting in the hospital room (incidentally the same room Kyan was born in) watching Rosie O'Donnell and the monitor for contractions.

12 yrs ago today I had no idea what was coming next... all I knew was that I couldn't wait to meet my baby.

12 yrs ago today my life changed forever and I am so thankful for it.

Jaben is 12 today. TWELVE. How did I get to be the mother of a 12 yr old? I don't feel like I'm old enough! One more year and I'll be the mother of a teenager! Gosh, that sounds so old! He starts middle school in the fall, he's got his own interests and friends, he grunts his answers and doesn't tell me everything anymore. He already acts like a teenager in so many ways.

But he's amazing. He's so smart and funny - he's got a great sense of sarcasm, which is my favorite. I love that about him! He's handsome and kind, sweet and loving. He doesn't show that he cares what other people think of him - he cares of course and he's working on that - he doesn't let the opinions of others affect his actions, his day, or how he feels about himself. I think that's very rare in a kid his age, and even tho I know it came, in part, from everything he's gone thru in school and with other kids, it's a good thing because it's a quality that will serve him so well in his future. Even tho his little brother drives him crazy, he's an amazing big brother. He loves him and protects him and only wants the best for him. As long as it doesn't interfere with Jaben getting his share. Very, very normal, and I'm glad he gets to have that experience, even with the age difference.

I don't think I'm the best mom, but I think I'm the best mom for him. Because he's the best kid for me. Some people believe that we choose who our parents are going to be before we are born. I'm not sure if I believe that or not, but it sure is a humbling thought. Why would such an amazing person choose me? I can't begin to imagine, but whatever the reason, however I got him, I'm so lucky and am so blessed to have him in my life.

Happy 12th Birthday, Jaben! I love you so much!

Dumbo

I've been trying to keep Kyan occupied and let him have a little fun while we're home together. It's mostly just me and him since Jaben is so busy - he has a life outside of this house! (yay Jabe!) So yesterday we went to the library to get some books for both of us and a free DVD for Kyan. I can't tell you how excited I was to find Dumbo!

I haven't seen Dumbo since I was a little kid (Jaben says he's never seen it and I believe him - I don't remember ever watching it with him), so I didn't remember much about it, except that Dumbo is a flying elephant. The things I had forgotten! I loved the movie and so did Kyan, but I kept thinking that there is no way Disney would get away with this movie today. I'm pretty open minded, but even I was a little uncomfortable with the "grown up" elephants making fun of, and excluding Dumbo - who was just a baby, and the frequent use of the word "freak" to describe Dumbo... simply because he had big ears. So if that bothered me, I just can't see how it would get by today. Imagine the "Dumbo protests" there would be!

I had also completely forgotten about the scene in which Dumbo and the mouse get drunk (!) and see the pink elephants. Seriously... a baby elephant in a Disney movie getting drunk! It was funny. Probably somewhat inappropriate (especially since I had to find a way to explain to Kyan what was going on - the water made them silly), but funny nonetheless. And the elephants on parade sequence? So very, very cool. It's got some great classic Disney animation and is a bit psychadelic, which, I think, makes it unique. Check it out for yourself:

One more

Okay, seriously? I'm not nearly as into politics as I seem lately. But I had to share this video. I receive emails from a group called MoveOn.org and today I got this video. They're trying to raise money to have this commecial with John Cusack aired (you can go to their website to donate). I love John Cusack and I love that he seems to share my feelings about this upcoming election. Check out the video, check out MoveOn.org and get informed. And, if the spirit moves you, donate to help get the commercial aired. Thanks!!

It's quiet

It's after 9am on a Tuesday and both boys are still sleeping. I don't think Kyan's ever slept this late in his life and I even went in to check and make sure he was still breathing! I think the heat of the past few days got to him and he's just worn out. He was running around in the hot playroom last night and threw up. The heat is not his friend - he has such a delicate system to begin with that he just can't handle it. He and I went yesterday to buy an air conditioner for the living room window. It's not fabulous, but it makes the house livable. We're going today to buy one for my bedroom. Even tho the temp has dropped today, we're still going to need it.

I have been working on a few things. I've gotten my resume put up on Monster. I'm working on a second blog to showcase some of my portfolio, as well as my resume. That's going to have to be without the contact info - other than the email address. The site doesn't look too good yet - I had a block or something when I finally sat down to do it, but it will get better and I will link to it when I'm ready.

I also have an order form to redo for my aunt and uncle's business. I am hoping to get to that later today, so that I can get it to them for proofing and revisions.

I need to clean my house, go thru things on the back porch and in the garage for the sale in a couple of weeks. I need to organize my bedroom, Kyan's room, paperwork I haven't filed or even really touched in too long. I need to have breakfast.

Things are moving along, albeit slowly. It'll get there, and it's easier to be motivated today than it was yesterday. It's cooler today, the heat makes me drowsy. At least now tho, when it gets too hot again, Jaben's and my sunburns are healed enough that we'll be able to go swimming again.

Also, Jaben's play(s) was this weekend. My sister took pictures for me since my camera died. As soon as she gets them to me I will post some. He was amazing! It always blows me away to see him on stage -- he's gotten so comfortable and seems so natural you'd never know the amount of work that goes into each show. Wait until I post the pictures - he was a simply awesome Artful Dodger! 5 shows under his belt and he's signed up for #6 in December. WTG Jaben!

I've only got one thing to say...

Unemployed

Yesterday was my last day of work. It wasn't even a full day, I was there just a couple of hours tying up "loose ends." Like, deleting the favorites file from my computer and printing out reference sheets.

Unemployment has been applied for, resume put together, portfolio in progress... and a lot of empty time ahead. I can do anything, everything, and nothing. I can redesign my entire life or simply look for another position, doing the same thing. With likely the same outcome.

But what do I want?

I want to create. I want to telecommute. I want to raise my children myself, but I want to work and show them what can be done, what must be done. What do you do with all that empty time?

I have no idea.

For now, for the present, I will be here, with my boys, spending time. Cleaning, running a garage sale. Tomorrow I think we will go to the open house at NASA. You don't get many chances to do that and it fits right into our new budget. Free.

And after that? After that is a lot of open time, free space, a whole new blank page waiting to be filled. But what to write?

Goodness Gracious

So much to write about, but wow, for someone who is about to be unemployed, I sure have a lot going on. Translation? Too busy to blog.

And since I'm in a gloom & doom frame of mind lately (hey - gimme a couple weeks, okay?) I leave you with the lyrics to the late, great Kevin Gilbert's Goodness Gracious.

Goodness Gracious is there nothing left to say?
When the ones that get to keep looking
are the ones that look away
It's pabulum for the sleepers
in the cult of brighter days

Goodness Gracious at the mercy of the crooks
We're broke and stroking vegetables
and there's way too many cooks
In every pot a pink slip, In every mouth a hook

Goodness Gracious I'm not listening anymore
Cause the spooks are in the White House
and they've justified a war
So wake me when they notify
we're gonna fight some more

Goodness Gracious not many people care
Concern is getting scarcer
true compassion really rare
I can see it on our faces. I can feel it in the air
Goodness Gracious me.

Goodness Gracious my generation's lost
They burned down all our bridges
before we had a chance to cross
Is it the winter of our discontent or just an early frost?

Goodness Gracious of apathy I sing
The baby boomers had it all and wasted everything
Now recess is almost over
and they won't get off the swing

Goodness Gracious we came in at the end
No sex that isn't dangerous, no money left to spend
We're the cleanup crew for parties
we were too young to attend
Goodness Gracious me.

Goodness Gracious my grandma used to say
The world's a scary place now,
things were different in her day
What horrors will be commonplace
when my hair starts to grey?

Wow what a sucky week

Okay, the reason I haven't posted in over a week is because it's been the worst week on record.

First, Kyan's sperm donor has asked to have a review to possibly reduce the amount of child support he doesn't pay. I can't for the life of me figure out why he's allowed to do that since he's in severe arrears, but the laws in this state suck, so he is. Whatever, I'll deal with it. It's not like I can get less than the nothing I'm getting now.

Then on Weds, my boss came to me and (tearfully) told me that she can't keep the company going and that we'll be closing at (most likely) the end of June. My insurance will be good until then, but she doesn't know what kind of hours I'll be working. Thankfully, I have time off that she owes me so we won't be completely screwed. The economy bites and I'm really not sure what I want to do now, and at this point I'm not in a state of mind to write about it here. The only thing I do know, is that this gives me July and August to spend with my kids, which rocks. I mean, I went back to work when Kyan was 4 weeks old and haven't spent more than 5 consecutive days with him since. So we're due, I think. I just wish it wasn't being brought about by unemployment.

Ugh.

So, if anyone still reads this poor, abandoned blog, I wanna know - if you had the chance, what would you do? Since I'm really not sure I want to do graphics anymore (it's really a dying field), I want to see what else is out there. So what would you do?

It's funny tho... the thing that started this bummer week was the whole child support issue, but turns out it's probably going to backfire on him. Most likely conclusion? He'll end up ordered to pay more.

[sarcasm] And gee don't we feel sorry for him. [\sarcasm]

Geez, wait long enough between posts?

Sorry, never said I was an everyday blogger. I do need to get better about that tho. So many things missing. Updates on Jaben's role in Oliver Twist (he's the Artful Dodger, btw). His show is June 8 @ 3pm - tickets are $5 for anyone who wants to attend. I know I'm biased n stuff, but he's so cute in this role!! Okay, so I'm calling an almost 12-yr old cute... but he IS! Just don't tell him I said it!

And speaking of cute, should we talk about Kyan? No major milestones lately, just some super fast growing (I swear all of his pants are capris now), and the usual everyday surprises. The things this kid says... And of course no immediate examples come to mind. He was great at our little Cinco de Mayo party last Sunday. Okay, so it was the 4th, so Quatro de Mayo, but whatever. We had a pinata and it KILLED him knowing it was there and full of candy until we actually allowed him to take a crack at it. Course it was a tough one and it took the grown ups some turns till we were finally able to get it open, but it was a great time!

Finally, a blog post by Wil Wheaton that I really liked. I definitely appreciate and agree with many of his political views, and this one was great!

I will try to do better and write more posts. Maybe something amusing, informative, or just more interesting than what's here. And yes, I'm aware that I've been tagged. I'll get to that - I promise!

Yay blogger!

I just finished writing the MOST BORING BLOG POST IN EXISTANCE, hit publish, had a blogger error, and am no longer the proud author of the MOST BORING BLOG POST IN EXISTANCE.

Damn.

Except I just typed bamn, and had to fix it. Wouldn't want to rip off Emeril.

*sigh*

I am not going to be able to re-create the MOST BORING BLOG POST IN EXISTANCE (however I'm afraid this one is a very close second) so I guess I'll stop now.

Someone better do something amusing around here soon. I really need something interesting to write about!

Eczema

Kyan has eczema. He's always had eczema. He was born with eczema. He never, ever had that beautiful, soft, can't-stop-touching-it baby skin. He's always, always, always had eczema. And so I've learned how to care for it and make it better. Not cured, but better.

I highly recommend Huggies shea butter baby wash, coupled with Huggies shea butter lotion. Sensitive skin, fragrance free type, of course. Works wonders.

Except lately. For the past 2 weeks he's had a nasty outbreak on his bottom. I've tried everything - and I mean everything (mom told me to try Crisco on it and I DID!) and nothing works. It's gotten better... he can sit on it now. But it's not clearing up.

So, off to the doctor we went. We couldn't see our regular doctor, but got in quite easily with his wife (who is a total sweetheart! and you've got to love a practice that is truly a "family" practice!) who was so, so helpful. Kyan was more than happy to show off his hiney (what 3-yr old boy isn't?) and even shook it around for her. And now? Prescription cream (I believe she said steroid??) at bedtime every night, Benedryl at bedtime every night (wait, permission to drug my child to sleep??), and a special kind of soap.

Oh, and my favorite. No baths.

Gulp.

No baths for a 3-yr old in the spring.

Okay okay, not really "no" baths, but much fewer. Which does not bode well with a kid who only gets one every second or third night as it is. But, water is a no-no for a kid with eczema (especially as bad as his bottom is at the moment) so we shall forgo (most) baths for the time being.

I must resort to wash cloth sponge baths for now. Fun. If you have a little boy, I'm sure you're familiar with that lucious little boy smell of dirt and sweat. It's lovely, one of my favorite smells, actually. But imagine that smell on limited baths.

For possibly weeks.

In the spring.

Yeah.

I wonder if it'd be bad to Febreeze my 3-yr old?

Happy Earth Day, y’all!

It’s Earth Day today!

I love Earth Day! I love hearing about all the great ideas people have for recycling, conserving, and making the earth a better, cleaner place. A lot of people have grand ideas and spend a lot of time on this, but there are a lot of things you can do simply, easily, and even for free!

Turn out the lights!! If you don’t need it, turn it off!

Same goes for the tv.

Wash your clothes in cold. Yes, they really do get just as clean.

Use “green” products where you can. Sometimes they cost more, sometimes they don’t. Vinegar and water is a great cleaner, and I promise the smell doesn’t linger.

Recycle. Cans, bottles, newspapers, cardboard, milk cartons – all can be recycled!! My city even provides free containers for paper products. All you have to do is call and request one and they will drop it off! It goes out with your regular trash – no excuse not to! Teach your kids the difference between trash and recycling early. It will never be an issue if things have always been done this way, and they are more likely to do it themselves when they get older.

Cloth grocery bags. Available almost anywhere, bigger and stronger than paper or plastic, and can be used forever. They’re awe-some, I promise!

Don’t buy plastic water bottles!!!!! Get yourself a nice bottle you can re-use, and fill it up! If you don’t like your tap water, get a water cooler, or jugs of spring water – reuse those milk jugs!! There are so many ways around plastic water bottles.

For the hardcore… electric tools.

We have an electric lawnmower. It runs on batteries, and honestly is the easiest to start, best running lawnmower we’ve EVER had. I highly recommend it! Below is a shot of the one we have:



You can also get tools that run on a cord. My leaf blower and weed eater are electric, but I do need a power cord for them. No big, I have 2 long super cords and an outlet in my garage. So very easy!

If you’re in the market for any of these products, I highly recommend electric! Think of the money you’ll save on gas!

My last suggestion/idea is a hybrid or alow emissions vehicle. That’s one big bonus with my new car – it is a certified low emissions vehicle (LEV). I love that! It uses very little gas and doesn’t put as much “bad stuff” back out. This is a BIG purchase, but still, if you’re in the market it’s definitely something you should consider.

Hopefully we’re all already doing what we can for our planet, but if I’ve mentioned anything here you hadn’t thought of or would like more information on, please leave a comment and I will help in any way I can.

Happy Earth Day!

My son… the exhibitionist

So Kyan’s new thing is peeing outside. I know that’s normal for little boys (and some little girls too) but yesterday he took it to new heights . Or lows, depending on your viewpoint.

We were on the big back porch getting ready to go into the house when Ky said he had to pee. So of course I told him to go in and use the potty. But oh no, not my boy! He gave me his sweet little devil smile and said, “No mommy, I pee here.”

Here, being outside.

Since I’m not one to argue with a newly potty-trained 3 yr old, I said fine, just don’t do it on the porch.

So he didn’t. We haven’t been able to fix up the porch yet, so he went over to a broken-out window, and proceeded to whip it out and pee on the driveway thru the open window!

Which would’ve been fine (I know, a little too mellow, perhaps?), except mid-stream two little girls rode by on their scooters, and Kyan waved at them and said brightly, “Hi!”

Um, yeah. No more peeing outside.

Sick to death of the bullies

Jaben called me from skating last night, asking if he could walk home. His grandma was supposed to pick him up so I told him to get ahold of her. He didn’t sound right so I asked him what happened, and he said nothing. But by the time I got home that nothing had turned into a giant purple bruise on his chin.

Some little brat had tripped him. Again.

One kid has already been banned from skating for messing with Jabe, and now he’s got a new bully to deal with? What the hell?!?

Is it because he doesn’t stand up for himself? I know that’s part of it. One well aimed, well timed punch and I think that’d be it. Or it would at least help.

Or is it because he’s creative, artistic, slightly different from the other kids? In a LOT of ways he’s a typical 11-yr old kid. But in some ways, the best ways, he’s his own person. Is that threatening? I know it’s not good for peer-relations to be different at this age, but he should not have to deal with this crap for being who he is.

And what about the parents of these kids? I know some parents who allow, and even encourage this kind of behavior. “Be the bully, not the victim. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, to whomever you want. ..” Blah blah blah. Grow the hell up and teach your kids to be decent human beings. There are also the parents who are completely clueless as to who their kids are. Or worse, are in denial. Pay attention to who they are and what they do – NOT what you would like to think they are. I am fully aware that my son (and I’m sure at times Kyan will follow suit) can be a jerk at times. It is my job to correct that, when it happens. If you’re not, if you allow it to continue, you are not doing your job, and are, due to your negligence and poor parenting, responsible for the kids your child is tormenting.

I asked him last night if he liked himself. Or rather, if he loved himself. I told him I’d read somewhere that the best way to be happy is to first love yourself. He thought about it for a minute, then smiled and said yes, he does love himself and he likes who he is. And I guess that’s what’s most important. They can leave bruises on the outside, but on the inside he’s hanging in just fine. Thank God.

*yawn*

Dayam I'm tired.

I think I stayed up too late Sunday night watching Return of the King. But can you blame me? Orlando Bloom. 'Nuff said.

Then yesterday Kyan's daycare provider needed the day off, so I hung with him all day. We came to work for 2 hrs (trust me, that was long enough), and spent some time outside. Then we took Jaben to guitar lessons, then spent MORE time outside.

He ended the day filthy and I ended it exhausted.

I'm glad we had so much time outside tho. It's already cooler today and is supposed to start raining tonight and not end until... Well, they haven't actually SAID when.

This is Ohio... the snow melts and the rains come. We give raincoats for Easter. April showers doesn't begin to describe the torrential downpours that are sure to come.

But I'm okay with that. As long as we're done with the snow? I can deal with the rain.

Today, it's chilly but pretty... I think I'll take Ky to the park while Jabe is at scouts. We'll be chilled, but he'll be happy. Might as well get out there while we can!

SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I'm like, 15 again!

All five original New Kids on the Block members – Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood and brothers Jordan and Jonathan Knight – will appear together in the Today Show's courtyard on April 4!!!



Now excuse me while I drool a little bit...

Gotta love that Fit!

I am LOVING my new little car!! Nothing to report yet on the promised amazing gas mileage, but the car itself rocks! The color is more copper than orange, but I’m calling it orange. We LOVE it! Jabe and I had a ball driving it home last night.

Kyan… well, not so much. I asked him on the way home what he thought of Mommy’s new car…

“I don’t like it.”

Me: Why don’t you like it?? I LOVE it.

Ky: It’s different.

Apparently Kyan’s not a big fan of different. Still this morning, putting him in the wonderfully new-smelling car to head out for the day he wanted to know why we were driving **this** car. He said we needed Mommy’s big white car. Well, it was silver, but whatever. I guess we’ve found out Kyan doesn’t like change.

He’d better get used to the Fit tho. He’s going to be learning to drive in this car!!

Hopefully will be able to post pics soon.

Ch-ch-changes...

Only a few small changes. At least here. Mostly that I finally updated the blogroll. So there are new, wonderful blogs for you to read, to your right. Check them out, you won't be sorry!

Other changes are not so small. I finally did it. I bought a new car. Must. Remember. To. Breathe.

Yeah, I'm a little freaked out spending that kind of money. Contrary to what some people might think, I hate spending money. Especially that much all at one time. But it was a good move, really. It's going to save me TONS on gas every month, the financing is the best I could possibly imagine getting, it's a cute car, and, to be honest, I haven't been comfortable in the Jeep since it was stolen. Depending on how the gas actually works out, I could be saving a good $100/mo. I didn't get as good of a deal on it as I'd have liked, but I had some things working against me (high mileage, payoff) so they did the best they could.

I don't have the car yet. It will be delivered Monday or Tuesday (hoping for Monday) and I will post a pic of the actual car when I get it. But for now, introducing my new, soon-to-be delivered Honda Fit (yes, this is the color and we LOVE it!)...

What do you do….

When one child has lost his PSP by taking it outside, putting it down, and FORGETTING ABOUT IT, then neglects to mention this little detail for…oh, THREE DAYS?

And the other, who seems to have forgotten he is potty trained for an entire day - when told, “I do not want to hear another word out of either of you,” responds with...

“Word.”

eBay, anyone?

Easter 08; in pictures

First, you must color the eggs...










All the little egg dyers, lined up in a row... looks like not everybody wanted their picture taken...




Next, the Easter Bunny comes and leaves goodies for all the spoiled little boys...




and hides the eggs in really obvious places....




Then, you must find the eggs (it's good to have a big brother to help!)...






Hmm... there must be more eggs here somewhere...




Ah-ha! Success!




What spoiled boys we are!




And at the end of a long, busy Easter, there's nothing like a good nap!



Hope your Easter was as eggs-ellent as ours!!