What?? An American who doesn't post a "what I'm thankful for" post on Thanksgiving??
Yeah, yeah, I know. It's almost a requirement of being an American blogger, but I just didn't want to. I haven't blogged in a good week, I haven't posted to my board in a week (again ladies, I'm sorry), I don't think I've even answered emails. I've kind of been cyber-hybernating. Cybernating? Heh... that's kind of cute, actually. I just haven't felt up to it. Too many things stressing me out, too much to complain about and honestly, who wants to hear it?
Not me, that's for sure.
Don't get me wrong, I AM thankful. I've got a million blessings -- 2 beautiful, healthy boys, a loving, supportive family, warm home, my car, my job, far too much food on the table and friends who e-Bay for me because even tho I think e-Bay is the devil I can still use it as long as it's not me who's bidding. But sometimes you've just got to take a break, take stock of why you're doing what you're doing. I work because I love my job and I need to support my kids. If I didn't love my job and had enough money so that I didn't have to work, would I? Probably. I can't see myself doing the whole SAHM thing. Ugh -- so not for me. In a dreamworld or for a week, maybe. But forever? I just couldn't. It's not in me.
I am afraid tho that I might have that opportunity forced on me sometime soon, and that stresses me out more than anything. It's no secret that the company I work for isn't exactly financially stable. I'm not sure why, I don't know much about the incoming and outgoing cash flow, but I do know that we've been hanging on by a thread for a while, and from the small things I've heard lately I wonder if I will be looking for a new job in the new year. It's scary. Graphic designers aren't in high demand around here (too many people have photoshop and think that makes them a designer -- sorry guys, it doesn't), and I need a certain level of income to get by. It's not a high level by any means... but it's still necessary.
Not only do I love my job, but the perks would be very difficult to duplicate elsewhere. My boss is awesome. She doesn't realize just how great she is, but she is. I work 4-day weeks... who's going to let me do that? I can talk to principals and teachers and even my mother on the phone when and if I need to without raising eyebrows. That probably wouldn't go over too well anywhere else. So very many reasons to be grateful for where I am. And yet, I don't know how much longer I will have it.
So yeah, much, much stress. Not just work, but this week it's been weighing on my mind quite heavily.
I am thankful... more than I can say. But sometimes I just wish for simpler... and maybe a shower without someone banging on the door screaming "Mooommmmmyyyyyyyy!!!!"