Adolescence sucks

I’m hurting for Jaben today. He’s losing his best friend.

Let me back up a bit. Jaben is a busy kid… he’s always got some activity or other going on, all summer he was gone at various friends’ houses during the day (and at least one night a week) because I work – and couldn’t see the point in paying for daycare for an 11 yr old. Just didn’t seem worth it. So, he spent lots of time this summer away from home and didn’t see his best friend, J, very often. None of this was avoidable, and none of it was Jabe’s fault. It’s just life.

Naturally, J found other kids to hang out with while Jaben was off doing his summer things. And gradually, as the summer wore on, J was available less and less when Jaben would call; he was turning down sleepover invitations, and generally just not around. I can’t very well blame him, he certainly couldn’t be expected to sit around at home alone waiting for Jaben to be available to him, and he needed friends and things to do.

Then school started again. For the first week or 2, things seemed fine. Jaben has been walking to school with J, but J no longer came home with Jaben after. Last year you could count on J always being there after school and, more often than not, staying for dinner. This year, he doesn’t even walk home with Jaben half the time. One day last week my mother went to pick Jaben up and saw J running away from the school with another boy. When she asked Jabe where J was, he said he’d gone to the back of the school to meet someone. Later, when they passed J and this other boy and Jaben yelled to J out the car window, the other boy yelled back, “Shut up, he doesn’t like you.”

Ouch. Jaben says J wouldn’t talk about him like that, wouldn’t do that to him. But I have my doubts. From the little bits I’ve seen of J in the past few months, I believe he’s changed. He’s not the sweet, loyal kid he was. He, understandably, wants to fit in, and unfortunately doesn’t have the strength of character (that I thought he had) to defy the other kids and stay friends with the one who’s not around so much. Jabe doesn’t hang around with the other kids in the neighborhood – he’s not home often enough and he’s not interested in the things they are (girls, defying authority) so he just doesn’t fit. No big deal to him because he always had J. But now…?

Jaben is having a hard time with this even tho he won’t talk to me about it. I feel a little sick for him today because he left for school 15 mins early. He said he was just ready to go, but I also know that the other boy meets J in the mornings now, and if Jaben doesn’t get there first, they simply leave without him. Seems like Jaben should forget it and move on, but he’s just not willing to let his friend go. He doesn’t get it that he can do better than someone who would treat him like that, that he’s got other friends who care about him and really wouldn’t blow him off… but he wants someone close by.

It’s really hard to watch. Jaben is so very smart, he’s got such a big heart, but he’s socially awkward and he honestly believes the best of people. He’s got very little common sense and he doesn’t read people well (he’s inherited these things from his mother – poor kid) and because of this, he’s going to get hurt quite a few times before he learns. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t shield him from the bumps and bullies of adolescence, I can’t change it. All I can do is ride it out with him.

Fortunately, most of this will be over soon. Once we move, Jaben will be riding the bus to school and he will no longer be living in that awful neighborhood. I know I can’t protect him forever, but I feel like removing him from the situation is what’s best for him at this time. He’s not prepared yet. He’s immature for his age and, as long as he doesn’t get hurt, that’s fine for now. He needs to mature at his own pace and not be “into” girls or anything else until HE’s ready… and not pretend to be in order to impress his “friends.”

I know there are kids in the new neighborhood that are okay to hang out with. We’ve got family friends right up the street, and while they’re not home much more than we are, I know their son at least is a real friend to Jabe. And that’s important, even if they don’t see each other much at all. Also, when we were working at the house this weekend, we hadn’t been there 10 mins when a boy from Jabe’s class rode up on his bike to see him and took Jaben around quick to introduce him to a few friends. That just made me happy. He may not end up with a ton of friends, and maybe running from an increasingly bad situation isn’t always the answer, but in this case, I really think things will be better all around – but particularly for Jaben – once we’re gone.

Still and all… adolescence sucks.

That's done but it wasn't easy

I've re-added the blogroll.

It's not as full as it was because I've had to remove some people. Mainly due to blog overload. There seems to be a problem with bloggers just adding too much stuff to their blogs... you know, posting awards in the sidebar, animations and ADS. I've got nothing against these things, for the most part.

But there are at least 3 blogs I love that I can't even really access anymore because their ads, animations, awards, or photos take too long to load or are too big and either take entirely too long for the time I've got or simply freeze up my computer. I know blogher is extremely popular, but if you've got blogher ads on your site, I'm probably not going to be visiting anymore. The blogher ads are some of the worst for causing load problems for me and no matter how much I love your blog, I just don't have time for that. Sorry, I'll miss you, let me know if you're able to reduce some of what they've done to you, but for the time being I won't be visiting. Which sucks.

I'm still working on the whole customization thing myself (and wow this new set up on blogger makes it MUCH easier than the old one - if I'd known this I'd have updated my template much sooner! Even if it DID delete my blogroll it's totally worth it!) but if you don't know what you're doing, if you don't understand size and load times, please please please limit yourself on what you add. There are a couple of other blogs I went ahead and listed that I may not be able to check much longer because they're simply getting too big. I keep thinking of that whole organization thing... one in, one out. If you're adding something new, please remove something old. That will keep things running more smoothly, keep your load times down, and allow more people to access your blog. If you're not sure this applies to you or you think it might, it probably does. Removing one or 2 older things definitely makes a difference and might make it easier for more people to visit you. Just a thought, I'd hate to have to remove anyone else. I'm bumming about the ones that had to go because geez my blogroll is small now!

It couldn't be helped. I'd like to add more and I'll probably be searching for more imaginary friends soon, but for now it has to be what it is.

Hogwarts reputation!

I love Harry Potter, and while this quiz was pretty doofy, the results are fun!

What's Your Reputation at Hogwarts? (26 different characters)

Crazy Outspoken Psycho (Who's Original In Every Way)House: HufflepuffBest Friend(s): Blaise, Fred, George, and yourself.GryffindorsHarry: Thinks you hate him ever since you called him a "creep". (And is still a little upset that you never gave Cedric the chance to ask you to the Yule Ball so he could go with Cho).Ron: Likes that you don't bow down to Harry and that you wear whatever you want without being so self-consious.Hermione: Is envious of your hair. She loves how you color it, keep it shiny and tamed, and how you do it. Her favorite of your hair styles was your "Hot Pink Streaks" style.Oliver Wood: Has dreams about meeting you in person and falling head over heels for you immediately.Fred and George Weasley: Are your best friends and sidekicks. You assist them in every way possible, and vice versa.Seamus Finnigan: Likes that you wear different colored clothes and don't bother to always match but somehow manage to look great.Neville Longbottom: Thinks you're a little loopy but is still kind to you.Dean Thomas: Always compares his girlfriends to you.Ginny Weasley: Helped you add blue dye to your hair one day because she wanted to find out if you were actually that cool in real life.Parvati Patil: Copies your style profusely and relentlessly.Padma Patil: Secretly hates you ever since you mistook her for her sister and called her a "brainless fashion robot".HufflepuffsCedric Diggory: Was going to ask you to the Yule Ball but was cut short when George and Fred ran up to with a new idea for their shop and you excused yourself excitedly.RavenclawsCho Chang: Is upset that Cedric only asked her to the Yule Ball as a last resort, but still accepts the fact that you're much better looking than she could ever hope to be.SlytherinsDraco Malfoy: Wants to be able to express himself like you. He wishes he didn't have to care what other people of him and could just say "I don't give a fuck," with as much ease as you do.Crabbe: Is attracted to your bright hair and clothes.Goyle: Likes your really long eye lashes.Pansy Parkinson: Wishes she had beauty like yours.Marcus Flint: Likes your taste in music (electronic, indie, alternative) and almost mustered up enough courage to ask you to a concert.Blaise Zabini: Is one of your other closest friends because you got him to open up. He confessed everything to you and even cried a little on your shoulder, and you two are the best of friends.TeachersDumbledore: Has no doubt that you'll take your creativity to all new levels as you mature. (as in get older, not more... motherly).Professor McGonagall: Is proud, but watchful, of your ambition.Professor Flitwick: Likes you, but doesn't know you too well.Professor Trelawney: Asks you for your opinion on everything she does.Professor Snape: Loves how you brighten the room, but hates how you attract the attention.Filch: Envies you for having so much fun at school.
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Ah crap

I was messing around with templates, etc, and lost my blogroll. And now of course I don't have time to fix it. I'll put it back, I swear. I have a lot going on right now so it may take time. If anyone reads this and wants on the blogroll, might not be a bad idea to comment and leave your link. Otherwise I'll probably just go thru and add from my favorites list. I hate to think someone might get left out, but it's probably going to happen. Sorry!!

Um... ow!

One thing about having boys... those external boy parts and their sensitivity.

Ky likes to run around bare bottom after his bath at night, which is no biggie because he uses the potty a lot better that way. Last night he was doing that when all of a sudden he let out this horrible scream, started crying and dancing around the middle of the room holding "himself." We later figured out how he'd hit "it", but at the moment all I could do was pick him up and hug him. When Jaben figured out what’d happened, the kid went pale… he says that’s the worst pain there is. I’ll have to take his word for it.

So anyway, I’m sitting on the chair hugging him, rubbing his back and kissing his cheeks – cuz really, what else could I do – when Kyan, so tearfully pathetic says, “Mommy, kiss it!”

And I am such a good mommy – I laughed. Yes, that’s right, my baby hit his weewee for the first time hard, and mommy laughed. I so rock. I told him Mommy couldn’t kiss his weewee, but that it would feel better soon anyway. But then he decided he needed a Spongebob bandaid. Cuz you know, bandaids solve everything. And in my infinite wisdom, I put one on. It’s not ON the weewee, it’s above it, on the flat soft part, but still a rather sensitive area. That sucker is going to stay on there until it falls off in the bath tonight cuz NO WAY am I pulling it off!! Ow ow ow!! Course the bandaid was bugging him this morning, but there wasn’t anything I could or would do. It’s staying there. He’ll just have to have a soapy bath tonight.

I told the babysitter about it this morning so she’d know why there is a bandaid on his weewee, and she said what I thought… “I hope he doesn’t have a messy poop in there today.” LOL! Let’s hope for a good potty day!

Let’s move it!

Heh. I'm not antsy or anything, am I?

Upcoming events regarding the house…

Sept 28 (maybe) and 29 (for sure) will be a garage sale and painting party. Those who know where it’s located are VERY invited to come take some of the garage sale items off our hands, and of COURSE to come help paint the inside! I know, the outside needs a ton of work as well, but that will come. Right now we’re more concerned with making the inside nice. We say “livable” but it’s going to be NICE. So – if you’ve got no plans the 29th, grab your painting supplies and a potluck dish and come help us finish our new house! We’re all so very ready to move!

In the news with the boys, Jaben is applying for student council this year! It’s not an elected position at their school, they must fill out and application and, accompanied by 2 teacher recommendations, turn it in to the student council advisor who then chooses who represents their class. It’d be so good for Jaben to get this! If he gets on, he’s considering running for class president as well – which IS an elected position – but let’s take this one step at a time and hope he makes student council first.

As for Kyan – gosh, he’s getting so smart. Yesterday he was being a typical 2-yr old and making me crazy. This morning he saw me making my lunch and said, about the sandwich, “Dat por meeee?” (Is that for me?) Well… who could turn that down? So I got him a little paper plate, cut the sandwich into 4’s, and he had a bit of ham sandwich for breakfast. Heh. I think he wanted to be with me, because he actually sat at the kitchen table with it and talked to me while I made a new lunch. THEN… when I was tying my shoes to get ready to go, he started telling me the process of shoe tying… “cwoss dat dere…. Good job mommy! Den, go awound da twee….” Just too darn cute. He must’ve picked that up at the babysitters… she said she’s always teaching someone to tie their shoes!

So yeah, the boys are doing well. Jabe’s as anxious to move as the rest of us, but he’s doing well. We’re all just stressing about getting it all done, getting moved, then the task of getting the current house ready for sale and actually SELLING it. We won’t be doing much before putting it on the market… cleaning carpets, painting the whole place just plain white and probably replacing a window or 2, but that’s IT. Take it as it is… it’s not going for much, but we should at LEAST break even. Can’t ask for more than that, eh? Just pray it all gets done soon so we can move on to that phase of the process. I’m just so very ready to be settled and get that house ready to go. I know the market is crap, but I really do hope someone will take it. Can’t stress about that right now… too many other things to stress about!!

I will never understand people

I lurk on a few message boards generally to get information from the posters on subjects I’m interested in, or things about my kids. There is one board that has recently been having a debate regarding peanut allergies in school. A mom came on asking about certain precautions put in place to protect a child with a life threatening peanut allergy and all of a sudden it turned into this giant debate! One mother is even suggesting that putting restrictions on what she can send to school with her child, or having the parent of the child with the LIFE THREATENING allergy provide all snacks interferes with her child’s education. I can’t for the life of me follow that logic. At all. To me, it seems selfish and self-serving. It actually made me a little sick. I was going to post and let them know how disgusted I was with the replies, but have decided to avoid the board altogether from now on. I lost a LOT of respect for some posters and that makes their information less valuable to me.

I can’t imagine, as a mother, not being accommodating to ANY request made of my children, or me to protect the LIFE of a classmate. No pb&j at school? No problem. The other mother will provide all snacks? Great! One less thing for me to do! She might not provide the things I would, maybe it’ll be things my kids don’t like or contain ingredients I wouldn’t normally feed them – but they won’t DIE from it.

Another argument was about birthday celebrations. Apparently bringing in treats for a birthday is a big deal to some people. I wouldn’t know – I had a summer birthday, Jaben has a summer birthday, and Kyan isn’t in school yet. Are a few kids going to be sad that they can’t bring tootsie rolls or cupcakes for their buddies? Sure. Will it kill them to miss one year? Absolutely not. What it will do is teach them a lesson about sensitivity and empathy. I just don’t think an in-school birthday celebration is worth risking a child’s life.

I can’t imagine I’m in the minority with this. I’m actually amazed at how many people seem to have issues with accommodating life-threatening allergies, even going so far as to suggest the child be home schooled. Can you believe that??

Obviously, I’ve made my feelings on the matter quite clear, and this is definitely a vent. I am appalled at the “reasons” offered on this message board, so if you have one that might make more sense, please share. I am ALWAYS open to other points of view. I had no idea I would feel so strongly about this, but the very idea that protecting a child’s life wouldn’t be the priority of a mother simply made me sick. Shame on her.

Zoo Trip!

To celebrate the long weekend, we went to the zoo! To make it a bit more special and because we really needed to get out of dodge, we also got a hotel room for the night. We needed it badly and, aside from a few 2-yr old meltdowns (mild ones, at that), we all had a blast! Check out the pics below... aren't my kids cute?? And yes, the baby CAN swim... in his floaty suit!