Being the first day of a new year, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a new post.
But I'm not going to do the usual "year in review" thing. I mean really, it's been done everywhere. Not that I'm not thinking about those things... there were some big changes this year. A long stint of unemployment, having to take a job not-exactly in my field 36 miles away, my mother and sister also losing their jobs... things were especially rough this year. But there were some things that needed to happen as well. That backbone I've grown (or am growing, actually) has been a necessary change, learning to let go of the negative, removing myself from some toxicity... Granted, some of these things could've been handled better, but that's one of the things about being human -- you must always be learning and growing. And I'm doing that, working on it anyway. I've learned some things about how it's okay to make scary changes (I'm looking at you, Stacy) and how much I admire that ability in other people. That's one I'd like to develop myself.
And in the year to come, I want to work on forgiveness. For others, for myself. I'm harder on myself than anyone else could ever be and I need to learn to forgive me. But I need to learn to forgive others too. That's hard for me because so many times people seem to behave as if it's as easy as saying, "I forgive you," but it just isn't. It's got to be felt, and if I can't feel it I can't do it. So I need to let myself feel it. And for particular people... at least one of which isn't going to be so easy. But it's necessary - for me - because I don't want to live in anger. So I'll work on that. I have to, because even tho I don't want to go into details I will say it's something I'll be dealing with, even in absentia, the rest of my life. And I don't want to carry around all that negative energy. That's one of the reasons I needed to release some toxicity last year... I can't carry around the negative energy anymore. So.
So we look forward.
To really learning my new job and seeing what I can gain from it. It's a good strong company, which is amazing in this economy so it's not as if I need to be concerned with having to find another job soon. But I also know it's not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. So what can I learn from it, what can I take away from it, and what wonderful things will come from it?
To Jaben's trip to DC for LeadAmerica. We're working on finding sponsors because it's NOT cheap, but it's a wonderful thing for him, even already. He was nominated by his favorite teacher and it's already done wonders for his self-image. We've got a pretty good-sized payment due in 14 days that I don't know how I'm going to make, but we'll figure it out somehow. Because this is important and even tho I'm basically poor, I want the best for him. And for now, this is what's best. Anyone want to make a donation to a deserving kid? ;-)
To Kyan, growing and changing and seeing who he's becoming. He'll be 4 in 21 days (where did the time go??) and he's turning into an interesting kid. You can see just looking into his eyes how mischievious he is - he's such a little stinker! I love that about him. He's smart, he's stubborn, and he's so, so loving. Kissy, huggy. But boy o boy has he got stinky breath! Yeah, we gotta look into that this year.
To mom and Kel, doing their school things, figuring out what they want to do now. Seeing what will make them happy and watching them face new challenges. I can't wait to see this. It's going to be cool.
Ugh, okay, this did turn out to be one of those usual new year posts. Blech. Oh well, I tried.
More to come in the new year. I'm thinking about big changes around here, still playing with the idea of moving to a new address... but haven't made a solid decision yet. I'll let anyone who's reading (echo... echo... echo...) know if and when it happens. For now, have a great new year!
