Ahhh... a quiet moment

The big one is watching cartoons (on a sunny Saturday afternoon! What is wrong with this child - or rather his mother who LETS him watch cartoons on a sunny Saturday afternoon!) and the little one is napping, after passing out over a nutritious lunch of Krispy Kreme. No, that is not a typo - I fed my children Krispy Kreme for lunch. It is not a staple in our house... in fact I think it's the first time I've ever bought them, myself. But, we were at the grocery store, buying the cake for my cousin's bridal shower (that I cannot attend since I couldn't find a babysitter - and when did babysitters start charging $4.75/hr anyway???) when the big one asked for a snack, or donuts or... well, kid food.

Now in my defense, I did say no. At first. Then I got to thinking.... 2 kids who need fed. One house that needs cleaning (any volunteers?)... six donuts... hm.... and so yes, my boys had Krispy Kreme donuts for lunch. Am I a bad mom for feeding that to them? Some people might say so. But I don't. I think it just makes me a smart mom who's short on time and energy to do the things that need done right now.

Besides... anyone remember the Bill Cosby thing, where he feeds the kids cake for breakfast? Eggs, good. Milk, good. Frosting... not so much. But the idea is there. Besides, the baby can't eat hot dogs so really if you think about it, it's better to feed them donuts. Right? Right??

I can't be the first mom who's done this. And I'm sure I won't be the last. So I guess, every now and again it doesn't hurt to let them eat cake! (or donuts, whatever)

And now... I must vacuum. (seriously - no volunteers?)

Some things should be left to the professionals

I know it’s been close to a week since I’ve blogged and for that I apologize! At times doing the single mom thing gets to be too much and really – do y’all want to hear me complain about how tired I am, how I have harbored fantasies about running off to someplace warm and tropical to dive into a fruity adult beverage, preferably with an umbrella?

Yeah, I wouldn’t either. So we’ve got some catching up to do.

This week, I had a BAD MOMMY MOMENT! Yes, that’s right – I admit it. Occasionally I am a BAD MOMMY. No, I did not spank my kids, or yell at them for no good reason (although the big one will tell you that one has happened – not that I’m proud of it), I didn’t book plane tickets to someplace warm and tropical to dive into a fruity adult beverage, preferably with an umbrella, and I didn’t show up to a PTA meeting in stilettos and a micro mini. Although that might be fun.

What I did was… and I should be ashamed to admit this… I cut the big one’s hair! Yeah, I said it. I cut my son’s hair. This is not something any mother without a license should do. Ever. For any reason. Ever. I cannot stress this enough.

I wish I had pictures to illustrate exactly why it is an incredibly bad, bad, BAD idea to cut your son’s hair, but honestly, I wouldn’t do that to him. He actually had to go to school yesterday with the hair above his ears uneven, by about 1/2 an inch. Extremely noticeable from the front. But did I notice this before I sent him out the door that day? Uh…. No. I noticed last night.

“Jabe… did you know your hair is crooked?”

Not looking away from the tv, “Yeah, I knew.”

“Well why didn’t you tell me! I never would’ve let you go to school like that!”

Still staring at the tv, “I didn’t know… people told me at school.”

No. Oh no… I actually messed my child’s hair up so badly that other kids noticed!!!!! Noooooooo!!!!

Of course in my infinite Mommy wisdom, I couldn’t just leave it and wait for his haircut appointment on Friday with someone who actually knows what she’s doing. That would make far too much sense. No, I decided we needed to go into the bathroom right that minute and fix it. FIX IT. Um… yeah.

So, armed with the clippers, a tiny comb, and a lot of hope, I went to work. By the time I was finished, the bathroom was covered with millions of little snips of hair, the little one’s jammies were hairy – that’s right HAIRY, because he refused to stand anywhere other than right under the big one where the hair was falling, and the big one’s hair… Well actually it doesn’t look too bad. It’s a little shaved looking around the ears, but otherwise you probably wouldn’t know that his rocket-scientist-genius of a mother took it upon herself to cut his hair.

We are still going on Friday to get him a real haircut, but for now I don’t think he’s going to get picked on about it. Not too much, anyway. And to keep away the urge to cut his hair myself again any time soon, I think we’ll be going for something like this:

Indoor amusement park!

If there's any one good thing about living in the middle of a tourist trap, it's all the cool stuff that you can do! Not only do we have THREE indoor water parks within half an hour of home, we've got Cedar Point, and in the spring, there's always the IX Indoor Amusement Park! Which is where we went yesterday. We had SUCH a great time!! Jaben brought a friend and I hope his mom wouldn't care cuz he's in some of the pictures. I spent way too much money, but not as much as I thought so it could've been worse. Anyway...

Kyan rode his first merry-go round...



and this is when it was moving...



the big boys went in a climbing thing and I can't believe I managed to get a pic of them on the bridge!



then there was the baby area with a really cool ride-on toy that went over a "coaster track" (my sister is going to love me for this!!)



everyone had to have their snacks! the big boys and their icees...



and the little guy with a cookie (what a mess THAT was!)



and one of my favoritest pics of the day... Jaben & Kyan jellyfish!!!!



I know this is a lot of pics and this isn't even half of what I took yesterday! LOL! I didn't post the one my sister took of me, Jaben and Adam (Jabe's friend) STUCK on a ride (I look like a whale in it!)... at least we were stuck on the ground and not in the air!!! The kids all got incredibly spoiled and everyone came home happy and exhausted! I even managed to feed my purse addiction! I found a really cute camo bag for $10.00! Of COURSE I had to buy it!
If you're ever near Cleveland around April, this is definitely something to check out. It's well worth the money!!!!

Introducing... DOWNER GIRL!!!

Warning: this ends on a bit of a downer note... don't say I didn't warn ya!!

Tomorrow I am taking the kids here. Well, my sister and I are taking my 2 and Jaben's friend. It should be a LOT of fun! Normally I can't afford things like this very easily, but after I paid off some bills with my income tax this year, I put some into a savings account to do fun things over the summer. Spring break counts, right??

This will be good for me too. I am stressing over finding a teenager to be a weekend or sometime babysitter for things I have to go to this spring and summer without the kids, I'm PMS-y, and just feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I need a break!! And hopefully with my sister along I'll be able to have her watch Ky and catch a few good rides myself. Sometimes that whole "single mom of 2" thing is a little much It's not too bad with just one... I didn't realize at the time how easy it was to just have Jaben... but it really was. I can't even imagine having 3 or 4!! I know women who did it and I don't know how! Have to respect that. I never, EVER imagined it'd be SUCH a big difference to add one child to the group, but it really is.

I'm sure it's not as much when there are 2 of you doing it, but being mom and dad to 2 kids - no matter how great your support system - is tough. Not always... there are times when it feels like a breeze and I'm in a rhythm and I could do this forever. But then there are weeks like this one when it all hits and you just feel like you need a break, or someone to say hey, you're doing a good job. It. Is. Hard. I would never change having my kids - EVER- but man, some days I really wish someone else was responsible for them too -- just so I cold feel free to go do something without feeling like I had to rush back out of guilt for leaving the kids. Work is not time off... work is work.

And please don't tell me I chose this. With the first one, yes. But not with the second. I refuse to go into details about Ky's father, but basically he was always talking about wanting "one of our own" and I used to say I didn't think I wanted any more. Obviously I wasn't THAT worried about it or he wouldn't be here... it's just ironic that he was the one to claim he wanted a baby with me, and I'm the one raising him. I wouldn't want to raise Kyan with his father... the guy... well, not such a great guy after all... but it'd be nice to have someone great to help raise both kids. Jaben has always wanted a DAD, but at this point I really think he's just not going to get one.

And that part really sux.

Ouch

I hurt my knee. Well actually I didn't hurt it, I don't really know what's wrong with it, except it's really sore and I don't know why. I had surgery on this knee years ago and it's never given me any trouble. And yet, today it's all sore and touchy. I did have 2 little people in my bed last night (and yes, one is MUCH too old to be doing that) so I wonder if one of them kicked me. Or maybe I twisted it, getting up in the middle of the night to pee. Or tripped on a toy, getting up in the middle of the night to pee. I don't know, I wish I did. So I won't do it again. Because it hurts. Not in an "I'm going to bitch about it all day because it's so bad" kind of way, but more annoying than anything else. Hopefully it'll feel better before Friday because we're going to the IX Indoor Amusement park and that's going to require walking.

This morning wasn't much better than yesterday, aside from the achy knee. Kyan didn't sleep well last night - he did his screaming for no reason thing again. And woke up with me at 6. I'd rather he not do that because then he's clingy and unhappy and I don't get to shower. Luckily that doesn't happen often. Jaben slept too well and I had to threaten his trip to the IX if he didn't get out of bed because we were leaving in 10 mins. Eesh. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! Maybe they'll take it easy on their old mom.

Nah.

Routine Change

I love spring break!! Jaben's out of school this week so I can go in to work at 8 and get off at 5!! Big difference that hour makes in the evening... believe me!! And since Jaben slept over at the cousin/babysitter's house last night I only had to get one little person ready and out the door an hour early.

But... it sucked. I felt soooo bad for the little guy!! He finally slept well enough that I could get all ready for work, had his clothes out and ready to go... and still he slept. I went in to get him up with about 10 mins to be out the door and he stirred, so I moved around a bit and woke him. By then it was so late I had brought his diaper, wipes and clothes with me so I could just go ahead and dress him. So instead of his usual morning 10 min cuddle, he got stripped down, rinsed with a cold, cold wipe and re-dressed before even getting out of bed. What an awful way to wake up!! I felt so bad doing it, and yet I did it anyway. I kept telling him "I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry! Mommy will be home earlier tonight so we can have some extra time together," but I don't think he really cared.

I do hope tomorrow he gets up a little earlier so his routine won't be so disturbed. It'll be done an hour earlier than he's used to, but at least it would be better than the rude awakening he got this morning.

We need your help!

We need 20 khaki shirts, different sizes for different kids. Short sleeve preferred for costuming for Jaben's play. $$ is short so donations would totally rock. Can you help?? Do you have ideas where these can be found? Something along the lines of boy scout shirts, camp shirt style, that kind of thing is what we need. I have NO idea where to look!! If anyone has any ideas, it'd be GREATLY appreciated! Thanx!!

CIO vs Co-Sleeping and other sleep choices

Disclaimer: I am not knocking anyone's choices regarding how they put their child to sleep. My opinions and choices are mine alone as yours should be yours.

Does your baby sleep? Does your child sleep? That's the most important thing. How you do it isn't anyone else's business. And yet, lately I have been reading a lot of debates among moms regarding the "best" way to do it. CIO (cry it out, for anyone who doesn't know) moms think their method is best. Co-sleepers think their way is best. Moms (and dads) who rock, lay down with, or use other methods to help their children to sleep think their way is best. And guess what? You're all right!! Every last one of you. If it works for your child and for your family, it's right.

Personally, I don't CIO. Never have, never will. And I am absolutely certain, based on the debates I have read, that there are CIO moms who will get defensive about that statement and either say or think "you never know what the future holds." But I do know. I have an almost 10 yr old and never did it with him. Didn't want to, didn't need to, choose not to. It's a choice, not an absolute must. In my opinion, CIO doesn't make sense. It feels mean to me. If you don't agree, that's fine. But I must defend my right to state that. It's not for me. It's not for my kids. It's not for my family.

Just as co-sleeping may not be right for you or your family. And that's fine. But, as you wouldn't want me to call you abusive or neglectful (I've heard and seen it said), please don't call me indulgent or hippy. It's just my way of connecting and being close to my baby after a long day. We both sleep better and it makes for a happier us. A lot of people can't imagine doing that because for them, bedtime is their time and that's their right. Can y'all see where I'm going with this?

Enough with the debates. If you don't do it, that doesn't mean others can't. Or shouldn't. The whole point is happy, healthy kids and however you achieve that end is okay. Don't defend it, don't put others down for their choices... just follow your instincts and be confident in your choices and let others be confident in theirs. If you need to think those thoughts, then think them. But don't say them because nobody wants to hear it any more than you want to hear what they think of your choices.

It's like the SAHM vs WOHM debate. If you stay at home, good for you! You get to be with your kids all day! If you work out of the home, good for you! You get to feed your kids and buy them nice clothes! But please don't complain about what you're doing or what others are doing.

SAHMs.... please stop complaining about how hard your job is. Yes, running a house and raising children is hard. We all know that and we respect that. But please bear in mind that working moms do what you do, only with 40 (and sometimes more) fewer hours to accomplish it. Show them some respect and just enjoy the fact that you can do what you do. A lot of moms would love the opportunity.

WOHMs... please stop complaining about how hard your job is. It's incredibly hard to not only be away from your children all day, but then to have to come home and cook and clean and spend all weekend running errands. But please bear in mind that if you're a 2 income family, you have more disposable income and are probably more comfortable than you would be otherwise. If you are not a 2 income family, then most likely it's necessary that you work and you're setting an amazing example for your kids by being the mom who does it all.

Just like sleep choices, there are pros and cons to each side of the work debate as well. If you feel defensive about your choices, or feel that you must tell others how much better than them you are for doing what you do, you may want to consider whether you're happy in your choices. Maybe staying at home isn't for you. Maybe working isn't for you. Either way, if you feel the need to defend your life, maybe it's you who are questioning it... not others.

The whole point is that mothers should be supporting one another. Not arguing about who's the better parent, which way is right and which way is wrong. It's all about raising happy, healthy children, and whatever choices you need to make to be able to do that are the right ones. Because they're yours... not anybody elses.

And on that note... here's the picture of Kyan I mentioned yesterday. It's his new facial expression and I'm so psyched that my cousin caught it and emailed it to me!

techinical difficulties

My computer seems to not want me to be able to make the post I want to make today, so I'm just going to make a short/quick one now, and try to make the post I wanted to later.

To the girls from my board... I hope I didn't offend you with the Corey comment! It's not that I didn't believe you, I just wanted more compliments on my handsome son. *blush* Pretty lame, huh?

I've got a new pic of Ky to post thanx to my cousin/babysitter but since ol Bessie here isn't cooperating, I'll have to do it later when I can use my newer, happier pc.

For now, here's a question. I'm not the only one who thinks this whole Katie Holmes/L. Ron Cruise silent birth thing is nuts, am I? I can't be. And what about the whole thing where they only interact with the baby for changes and feedings in it's first week. That can't be good for the baby... don't infants, and newborns especially, physically need affection in order to not only thrive, but to survive? Eesh... that girl needs a reality check. This guy... not so good for you and your baby, sweetie.

So now that I’m (practically) healthy…

Guess it’s time to write a decent entry. Heh.

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday and my wonderful sister came over and cleaned our house that completely fell apart while I was sick so my mom wouldn’t have to do it on her birthday! Yay for sister!!! She totally rocks! Not just because of that, but it didn’t hurt things either. Funny thing tho – I called Jaben from work, after he got home from school, and told him to pick up the living room so Grandma wouldn’t have to. He said sure. Wasn’t till I got home that I found out sister had already cleaned. And here I thought he was being agreeable for once. Sneaky, sneaky boy!!

Oh – she also made mom a birthday cake! Yay again for sister! Except…. I was still feeling the effects of my unfriendly bug and couldn’t have any. (I almost put boo there but it looked so childish. Even for me.)

Kyan’s molars are finally – FINALLY – starting to break! If you hold him down and pry his mouth open (I’m exaggerating) (sort of) you can see little white caps on both sides on the top. I can’t believe how LONG this has been taking and how rough it’s been on him (and everyone else within hearing distance). I can’t wait until all his teeth are in and we’re thru this teething stage because it stinks. No matter how you look at it, it stinks. I’d rather potty train than deal with teething. Seriously – I find potty training more tolerable than teething. That’s how much I hate teething.

I’ve got to remember to call his doctor too. He’s always been really bowlegged, but in the past few months his right ankle has been turning in. We’ve had him in those high topped baby shoes that are supposed to help the feet go straight, but they haven’t done anything. So now he’s just wearing regular (gigantic) baby sneakers and at times his right ankle turns so much he trips over his own foot. That can’t be right. So I’m gonna have it looked at. I’m sure it’s not “serious” because if it were, he probably wouldn’t be walking, and he certainly wouldn’t have been walking at 10 mos. But still…. it’s not right.

Next week is Jabe’s spring break from school. I can’t believe it’s that time of year already!! I can’t wait for summer! I absolutely love that hot, humid weather everyone else bitches about. I know that’s weird but I’m cold. All the time. I don’t know why. Well, I know now that part of it is because thyroid disease causes a lowered body temp, and I do have that – still, even with the meds – so hot weather definitely feels better to me than a normal person. But there’s so much more to do in the summer! There’s swimming, Cedar Point, fairs, festivals, just sitting outside watching the kids play, cooking out, and the smell of fresh cut grass. Ah…. I cannot wait for summer!!!!!

Real quick

This has to be kinda fast and short because I've got a LOT of work to do today. I haven't updated in a few days because I've been SICK! I've had some kind of stomach virus that hit me late Saturday morning, waned a bit on Sunday morning and made me think I was okay long enough to eat - so that it could strike again and make me even SICKER! It got worse and lasted thru Monday - meaning I had to call off work which I hate doing - and now of course I don't feel even close to 100% (can't eat - ugh!!) but I am here, plugging away, trying to catch up on what I missed while I was home miserable yesterday. And I bet by Thursday it's really slow again. Seems to be the way of things.

I'll post more when I have time. That's all for now!

It's fun to leave a mess in a restaurant!

Just got back from dinner at a Chinese buffet. Those are always fun. (this is where you'd see me rolling my eyes... if you could see me) The one we have here in town has pretty good food and it's fairly inexpensive, so that's a plus when you're a single mommy with 2 little guys. But then, I didn't pay for it!

We went with my mom and my sister - who had a fight with her girlfriend and escaped (drunk) to our house. So mom paid - yay mom! It's kind of nice sometimes to have the whole group out, and by the time we were finished, my sister was pretty much sober again. We're not a messy bunch, for the most part, but... have you ever taken a 14 month old out to dinner? And fed him noodles? And rice?

Um... yeah.

The floor under his high chair was covered... and I mean covered... in rice and noodles. Not to be gross or anything, but it looked like there were worms and maggots under his chair. Very appetizing. I do hope they vacuumed after we left....

One more thing... I posted the pictures of Jaben in his play on my message board, and the girls there said they think he looks like a young Corey Feldman - which of course I LOVE!! I used to be soooo in love with him!! So whatcha think? Young Corey Feldman? Or board buddies just bein' nice?

Little star!

I swear my boy is going to be a star!!! Yeah, okay so I have the whole mom "my kid is so awesome and you better not say different" thing going on. But I don't care! He did SO awesome last night!! I know it's just a silly school program thing, but he's totally a natural performer. He was one of "those kids" last night. You know, the ones who not only get to go to the front and sing or dance or play an instrument or whatever, but they get to do it twice? Yep, that was my son!! He. Was. So. Good.

Like, my mom was in tears, good.

I have to laugh tho... what's she going to be like next month when he's in his first real play? I probably didn't mention, Jabe's in a musical next month with a pretty large part, for a first-timer. He definitely doesn't have one of the leads (there are 3 and they're huge parts -- too big for him to do for sure yet), but his part covers most of the second act (of 3) and he's doing well enough to impress his acting teacher. Who is very good. Out of a cast of 9 kids, he is only one of 3 who are newbies - and he's doing amazing!! Oh wait till the day after the play... I'll probably have a huge post and tons of pics! But for now... a few of the performer in the family from last night...







I could go on and on with the pics, but I guess I'd better not go overboard. Gah!! I'm one of those moms!!!

Yeah, my kids rock.

Now I've got to run and check the blogs I love to read, as well as get moving on the t-shirt I'm making my mom for her birthday on Sunday. Yeah, it's cheesy - it's a grandma t-shirt with pics of my boys and my sister's little one on it. BUT -- what good is being a designer (obviously not a WEB designer!!) if I can't do stuff like that, right? Right.

At least that's what I tell myself.

One thing real quick

I decided to be presumptuous and link to a few of the blogs I like reading. If, by some chance, you see your blog listed in my links and would prefer it wasn't, just let me know and I'll remove you. I'm just having too much fun playing around with this and learning how it works! One of the advantages of having a sloooooooow day at work! Really I'm just happy I came up with something to do today!!

And so it begins...

This is the first of what I hope will be many, many posts along our journey. I'm an incredibly lucky woman. I've got a good job, a really cute Jeep that I love to drive, and most importantly - 2 incredible little boys I am thrilled to call my sons. My older boy, Jaben, is 9. My younger son, Kyan, is 14 mos old. Yep, there's a big age difference there.

I'm not quite sure why God chose to allow me to have these amazing little people in such different times of my life, but I am learning to accept what I am given and be happy with it. It's definitely not easy being a mom, and it's even harder being a single mom, but I've got such great people around me, helping us and teaching my boys what love and family are all about. I can't complain. Neither of my son's fathers are involved in their lives, both for different reasons I don't really want to go into in this post. I'm sure at some point it'll come out - or not - but it doesn't really matter why. I feel really sorry for them, for missing out on these kids. Kyan is so smart and funny, and Jaben is so quick, has a great sarcastic sense of humor (the best kind!) and is just blossoming into a really great person. How could anyone choose to miss that??

Anyway. I hope to keep up with sharing our stories as they happen. I hope to connect with other people, other moms, and especially other single moms and learn their stories too. I read certain blogs every day and hope that at some point I can be as proud of my blog as those bloggers should be of theirs.

Now that that's out of the way, I'm going to go ahead and write a bit about what's up for today! Tonight Jaben has a school program. You know the kind - everyone gets up on the risers and sings, way off key, while moms and pops sit in the audience and take bad pictures and dab their eyes with stiff kleenex. It's gonna be great!!! I just hope the pathetic sorta-hem I put in Jaben's dress pants last night holds!

I'll post tomorrow about how it went. Wish him luck!!